This idea has been percolating for a long time in my head. I've read some ideas and thoughts of other people on the topic and I've seen some things around me that frankly, for my taste, have been very disconcerting. There are a lot of opinions out there on the topic and for what it's worth, here is my two cents worth. The questions are these: Do a bunch of LDS women seem to want to look sexy and modest at the same time? If so, why do LDS women want to look sexy for other people? Why are some so influenced by the world that their goal is to look sexy and provocative and to strut their stuff and show off their bodies for others to see and admire? It bothers me. It really bothers me to see grown women dressing and strutting around trying to attract the attention and admiration of other men (I suppose that is the objective) or trying to show up other women. What are the reasons as you see it? I suppose at the very least they are just trying to show how "fit" they are, but seriously, WHO are they trying to impress and WHY?
Don't get me wrong, I think it is important to look nice and take care of our bodies and to watch our appearance. Proper weight and nutrition are very important. Taking good care of the bodies we were given is a basic gospel concept. Looking stylish is important to a degree, but not at the expense of actually dressing modestly. But having the goal to look sexy for the guy on the street, is a foreign and false concept to me.
Maybe I'm showing my age. I probably am. I don't think that for one nanno second that I have looked in the mirror before leaving the house and thought, wow, I look sexy. I don't want to look sexy. I don't want to attract attention. I don't want people to look at me and admire my physical appearance or my body. Not gonna happen. I want to be known for who I am and what I do, not what I look like. And it's not that I don't have a good self concept. Those of you who know me understand that that is not the case.
I do want to look nice. I want to look attractive and well put together. My ultimate goal is to look classy and to be modest. But to look sexy for other people - never. There is a time and place to look and feel sexy, and it isn't out on the street in my opinion.
Which brings me to the next point. I think that most LDS women realize that looking sexy shouldn't be the goal. So some go for a sexy/modest look. Seriously? I don't think it is possible to look sexy AND modest. In fact, there was a billboard in our county that was trying to sell t-shirts on this concept. Buy this t-shirt and look sexy, oh, and also modest. Buy this skin tight t-shirt that covers your stomach, but shows off every nook and cranny of your body and you're good to go. If it shows some cleavage, no problem, your stomach is covered and that is all that really matters.
I know, I know, don't get me started.
I guess that since I've ventured this far onto the hot seat I might as well unload the rest of it.
Billboards in Utah. There are scores and scores on the theme of looking sexy. You know the kind - I've seen "get your sexy on - come in and work on your abs" or "teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini" showing a huge photo of a bust for breast augmentation and plastic surgery, or "tighten up and lose the fat" of a practically naked body for liposuction, etc. etc. etc. It makes me sick and it seems to be doing a booming business in Utah for "self improvement." I still don't understand how a bigger bust line raises self esteem.
And finally - temple going women who push the envelope with the clothes they wear or who prance around in inappropriate clothes when they should and could be wearing appropriate clothes. They know the difference and they chose to disregard the instructions. I lose respect, what can I say? I'm not at all impressed. Actually, I'm very disappointed and I think they are being quite foolish. Is that being judgmental? Maybe it is, but maybe it is just taking a stand.
I guess this concept of sexy/modest is one sticking point with people who refer to "Utah Mormons" who are trying to live the standards with one foot (or more) in the world. Moms who look like and dress like and sometimes act like their teenage daughters. Who is the parent an who is the kid? Sometimes it's hard to tell. I'm an advocate of age appropriate dress, but that's just me. I worry about girls who have the concept that looking good is more important that being good. I'm concerned with the visual images of women and girls immodestly dressed that my husband and sons are subjected to every day. Elder Dallin Oaks referred to immodest dress of our LDS women and young women as visual pornography. Ouch! I suppose these concepts are part of the reason these recent conference addresses have been given. See Susan Tanner and Elaine Dalton for a start.
"Do we view the body as a thing to be consumed and exploited. Realizing and following the truth about the body brings freedom—freedom from the tyranny of vanity, fashion, envy, superficiality, self-criticism, backbiting, the ill effects of overeating or under eating, lust, pornography, substance addiction, tattooing, and a host of other forms of worldly weight and oppression." Diane Spangler - BYU Psychology professor
The question is, will WE pay attention, wake up and set the proper example for our own sons and daughters and the countless others who look to us for an example? Will we internalize the teachings and see the wisdom in the direction and council we have been given? Will we help our children see the strong and direct connection between modesty in dress and the preservation of virtue which leads to freedom and peace? It's up to us. No one else can or should take the responsibility. If not now, when? If not us, who?
4 comments:
Wow, Von. That was excellent. I may have to copy that to my blog for all my friends to see. And share it with my YW President friend to share with the girls. That is a great post and will cause some serious self reflection. Thank you.
One of the reasons I don't like blog comments sometimes is that you can't have a discussion and often have to read into what the commenter writes.
That being said, and I may be a total hypocrite by commenting here, I do sometimes wear shirts that may be qualified as "too tight" or shorts or skirts that are too short. In the too tight department, I don't do it to get noticed by other men (bleh!), and probably only marginally to impress other women, but mostly because I think I look good in certain shirts and it's the current style. Also, I'm pretty skinny, so there's no point in me wearing baggy shirts as if I'm embarrassed of my bod. R always teases me because sometimes when I get dressed I'll look in the mirror and say something like, "I look GOOD today!" and, like you said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look your best. I also have extremely long legs, so even though everything is covered, my shorts or skirts may look too short to some people, but I figure they're the best I can find and I'm not trying to live on the edge or anything. However, I never attempt to flaunt my stuff and think trying to look sexy in public is ridiculous, and it's not as if I'm wearing super showy, curvaceous things anyway.
I do agree that I like it best when women wear age-appropriate attire. You can still show your personality without trying to look 20 years older or younger. Finally, I think most of the LDS women trying to look sexy comes from lack of confidence and a false impression of what is really important (who you are not what you look like). Good post that got me thinking!
You tell 'em, sister!!! Great post, and very good comments. There is no reason at all for Mormon women to want to look sexy, wear age-inappropriate clothing, or try to adopt worldly fashions. I truly believe that active LDS women who want to "look sexy" have serious lack of confidence issues.
Good post Von. I wish I would have read this before last night and we could've discussed. I think as far as Mormon women go and looking sexy they're just tyring to be "stylish" and we are soooo bombarded with billboards and magazine covers and commercials that put so much emphasis on Hollywood's style and not our own style. Which leads me into my next point. One reason I am struggling with nursing is cause I think it is a little perverse. We live in a society that has boobs booobs boobs everywhere you turn and they are meant for sexual arrousal. Now I'm supposed to strap my sweet little baby on there and think it's natural? It's just hard for me to wrap my head around when I can't go grocery shopping without 5 subliminal messages of how "boobs" are meant to be exploited. But I'm going to still try and plow through these feelings and give nursing a real shot. Wish me luck :)
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