Nathan Pacheco revisited

Three years ago, I did this blog post.

Now Nathan is on his way!  I'm so excited to receive his new CD next week from Amazon.  He has also done a PBS special and it is airing all across the country.  It love it when good guys succeed.  If you hear his voice, you'll see what I mean.  Check out his website.  Way to go Nathan Pacheco!

Always remember and never forget

Last weekend my Mom and I had the opportunity to attend a scholarship dinner in honor of donors who have given scholarships to students in the College of Agriculture at Utah State University in Logan, Utah.  My sweet cousin Scott (the big guy in the blue and white stripped shirt) invited me to come a couple of months ago, right after I found out about my diagnosis.  I really wanted to be there and I'm so glad we could attend, even though I wasn't sure if my health would be good enough to travel.  Scott has endowed two scholarships at USU, one in the name of his son Dusty and another in the name of his father Dean who have both passed away.

Dusty was one of nine USU students who were killed in a horrible accident when the 11 passenger van they were driving in on a agriculture field trip, crashed and rolled, killing 9 of the 11 passengers including Scott's son Dusty.  The accident happened seven years ago today, September 27, 2005.  USU has since erected a beautiful memorial in remembrance of those 8 students and their instructor who died that day.  Two men survived the crash and of those two, one is leading a normal life and was recently married.  The other suffered severe brain damage and is alive but very disabled.

Scott chose to turn his grief into some positive.  He endowed a scholarship in the name of his son Dusty.  He also made a sizable donation to USU to help the college build an agriculture laboratory named for Dusty.  The lab is for the study of seeds and plants (Dusty's interest) as seen above.  Scott is on a first name basis with the Dean of the College and is well known and respected at USU.  I'm so proud of him!  He has taken a tragedy and turned it into an ongoing triumph! 

After my uncle Dean passed away last year, Scott decided to endow another scholarship in the name of his father.  Anyone can contribute to the scholarship and I think it would be a great way for our family to support Scott in this endeavor.  Two USU students were at the dinner and were awarded the scholarships that will help them immensely in their educational pursuits.  We enjoyed sitting by them at the dinner as well as by my cousin Lee and her husband Devon who were representing their parents (my Aunt Rhonda and Uncle Bill who were out of town.)  It was great to be there with Scott to support him and celebrate something good and worthwhile.  Again, I'm so proud of my cousin who has done some good in the world. He is a dry farmer who have worked on the family farm his entire life.  He is an amazing man and I admire him so much.

Chemo #2

Checkout my new wig

September 12. The 2nd round came along too soon.  I felt pretty good that last week, which was the third week after the 1st treatment.  I was determined to do everything in my power not to have such a hard experience.  And the good news is......I didn't!  Here are some things that made a difference:
*My oncologist gave me a prescription for some good acid reflux drugs that are time released and that helped immensely
*I had a full prescription of the anti-nausea drugs and I took them every 8 hours, right on schedule
*I ate and drank even when I didn't feel at all like eating and drinking.  My dear friends Colleen & Patsy brought us some tempting food and I enjoyed eating. 
*I got up and got dressed, every day but one
*Having my mom here helped a lot
*My husband continues to fast and pray for me along with many others and I know it helps

The first week I didn't have the terrible digestive issues like I did last time.  I still had a lot of bone pain and just a heavy feeling like my heart was pounding.  I slept pretty well.  I've gone to work all this week for a few hours.  I've lived my life.  I sewed a crib skirt for little Charlie.  I read my scriptures.  I read some good talks on trials.  I think that is important.  Get up.  Get going.  Help someone else if you can.
Days 8, 9, and 10 following chemo have been more difficult for some reason.  More digestive issues and a strange rash has appeared on my hands that is getting worse.  Hum...the uncertainties of chemo.  Just when a person thinks they are on top of it for awhile, it comes crashing down.

I want my momma!

Who do you want when you're going through a hard time?  Well, I'll tell you one thing, I want my mother dear to come and reassure me, spoil  me and just be with me.  And that is exactly what I got.  My sweet mother Mary drove herself, her sister and her brother-in-law to town for a four day visit.  She stayed with me and they stayed with their daughter Janis and her family who live in my neighborhood.  She went with me to my 2nd chemo infusion.  She sat by me in the COLD chemo room and caught a chill.  She waited with me the whole 4 1/2 hours while we talked to the doctor, got the infusion of the chemo drugs and then headed home.

~She took me back the next morning for my shot of Neulasta and she just buoyed me up and helped me get through it.
~She brought some potato soup that tasted delicious
~She brought some raspberries that my uncle Clair had picked for us and she made about 12 pints of raspberry jam.
~She took some pears my sister Lee sent and made some pear jam
~we went to visit her sister Gayla who is in a care center and had a nice visit with her
~we went to lunch with Aunt Rhonda and Uncle Bill and had a nice visit (their treat, now nice!)
~She took some old apples, cooked them up and made the most delicious home-made applesauce
~She made two fresh peach pies
~She made chicken noodle soup that was just what I wanted and needed
~She made meat loaf and baked potatoes, good comfort food
~She did dishes, cooked and helped out in every way possible.  Oh, and did I mention that she is 85 years old??

And what did we do to fill those hours when I didn't feel so good?
~we put a puzzle together
~we watched my HD movie edition of Gone With the Wind
~we watched the movie edition of Phamtom of the Opera
~we watched the movie While You Were Sleeping

And the best part of all?  She would give me a  hug and say "I'm so sorry you have to go through this" and "I love you" and "you can do this!"

She should know.  She went through the same thing herself nine years ago.  She is a example to me of courage, grit, determination and will power.  I love her so much. She fought the good fight and she won.  So can I!

The goodness of people

I've been completely overwhelmed by the kindness shown to us since we learned of this breast cancer diagnosis.  People have been so concerned, so supportive, so compassionate, so kind.  Seriously, it has made all the difference to me to have this kind of support.  It has given me courage and made me feel stronger knowing that so many people are pulling for me and Rick.  And on that note, make no mistake.  This is a journey that my husband and I are both traveling together.  His loving concern has been unparalled.  I have felt his support through thick and thin.  He is my anchor and my true love.
The faith and prayers of so many people have buoyed me up and have helped me feel calm in the face of what lies ahead.   I have felt those prayers.  I know people have fasted and prayed and have shown faith that all will be well. This means everything to me.

I have written over 50 thank you cards.  People are so good and have come up with so many ways to be helpful and to be kind.  I thought I'd make a list of some of the things friends and family members have done.  It might help to give ideas for the future if you know of anyone going through this experience or a similar one. Here's the list:

*fresh flowers (I've had a fresh bouquet almost every day since the beginning)
*plaques with uplifting verses and hopeful sayings
*bath products
*books with uplifting messages and just books that are funny
*movies on loan
*meals  
*fresh fruit and healthy treats
*See's chocolates
*Jamba Juice gift card
*a schedule meal brought on each chemo day
*an edible fruit basket
*gift cards for take out food
*essential oils
*lap blankets
*pies, banana bread, cookies, muffins
*perfumes and head scarf
*peaches, pears, tomatoes, corn
*hats
*bath and body products for SLEEP
*hard candies to suck on during chemo treatment
*cards, cards and more cards with encouraging words
*texts, phone calls, email, Facebook messages and voicemail with encouraging words

If anyone sees a cute hat somewhere while you are out and about, buy it and I'll pay you back.  A bald head can never have too many head coverings. 

Hair loss

 

 

It started on day 14.  I was told that anytime between day 14 to day 21 after the 1st chemo treatment, my hair would start to fall out.  It did.  From one day to the next.  Handfuls came out all at one.  It started on a Wednesday and by Friday morning, I had my head shaved.  It is just so much easier to get it cut off!  Some women opt to have their hair shaved off before it starts to fall out.  Some choose to wait and see how much actually comes out.  Some just get thinning and don't lose it all.  I could tell that mine was going to come out by the handfuls and look terrible.  It was a very messy process.  It was falling everywhere and it was just easier to get rid of it.  My hair stylist shaved my head and then styled my wig at no cost.  He is such a good friend and gave me lots of moral support.  The remaining stubble continues to fall out and at some point, every hair on my body will fall out, including my eyelashes and eyebrows.  My sister Janet and my Mom came to town a few weeks ago and went with me to a wig shop here in town to get a wig and some head scarves and hats.  I'll be hairless for about 6-8 months before my hair starts to grow back.  I'm going to enjoy the time saved in getting ready every day, the cost of hair cuts, of hair color treatments, of purchasing hair products and most of all, just the ease of getting ready in an instant.  You just pull on the wig/scarf/wrap/hat and GO!

Chemo #1

 

I’ve put writing this post off for three weeks.  It’s actually hard to write about and hard to describe.  I don’t want to cause anyone who might have to go through this experience themselves someday to have any additional worry or anxiety, because everyone reacts differently to chemo.  There isn’t a one-size-fits-all outcome.  There are a list of side effects that are pretty common, but those side effects affect people to varying degrees and some suffer with some and not others.  The first time through it is an adventure because you don't know how your body will react.

It was a hard day when I found out I had breast cancer.  I had seen my mother go through it and I knew what was in store (or at least I thought I knew.)  It was another hard day when I found out I would need to go through chemotherapy.  I dreaded this treatment more than surgery, hair loss or radiation. Submitting to chemotherapy was facing my own personal Goliath.  I simply couldn’t abide the thought that I was going to have to poison my body to save my body.  These strong drugs have the real potential to leave a person with permanent side effects and damage to vital body organs.  While the Herceptin is a sort of “miracle drug” for fighting the HER2 receptor cells that are fast growing, it also can cause permanent heart damage.  The doctors will monitor my heart function through the treatment which will be one year, but they only stop treatment when they see that it is causing problems.  I try not to dwell on these things, but they address the real issues of why I started down this chemotherapy road with real trepidation.

My 1^st experience was pretty rough.  I went in on August 22 at 11:30 am.  They drew blood to get a baseline and checked vitals.  Dr. Wallentine answered questions and explained more details about the chemo drugs I would be receiving with the acronym of TCH. I would start with a bag of saline with anti-nausea drugs and steroids mixed in.  Second bag would be Benadryl to ward off any allergic reactions to the chemo drugs.  Third bag would be the chemo drug Taxotere.  Forth bag would be the chemo drug Carboplatin and finally the fifth bag would be Herceptin, the target therapy drug described earlier that will go after the HER2 receptors.  It took nearly six hours for these drugs to slowly drip into my port.  The only reaction I noticed is that my legs were restless while I was receiving the Benadryl and it made my very, very tired.  Otherwise, the drugs didn’t cause any immediate reaction or cause me to feel strange.  I think I can thank the IV anti-nausea drugs and steroids for that blessing.

The treatments fool a person because after receiving the drugs, I felt OK.  I drove home.  I had dinner.  I watched TV.  I had to go back the next morning to receive a shot of Neulasta another drug to stimulate bone marrow growth and keep my white blood cells at a decent level.  They told me to take 3 Advil and 1 Claritin to ease the bone pain that would come because of the new bone marrow growth.  The next day wasn’t too bad. Rick and I even walked to the post office and back.  The real pain and misery started on the third day, just like they said it would.  That Friday morning, I woke up with bone pain, body pain, nausea and generally just feeling lousy.  It felt like having a bad case of the stomach flu along with morning sickness and cramps.  The next 36 hours were hard.  It was hard to drink and eat and the bone pain was constant.  My health insurance company would only authorize the sell of 10 anti-nausea pills Ondansetron at the start.  I went through those the first three days and then I had nothing over the weekend.  We finally just bought more from the pharmacy and since then the chemo clinic has talked to my health insurance to let them know that the anti-nausea drugs were for chemo treatment. Duh.

I struggled the next week with acid reflux and eventually had to go in twice to get more IV fluids with anti-nausea drugs.  I got going on an anti-acid for the reflux, but I was pretty miserable in the interim.  I got a U-T-Infection as well and at one point had a temperature of 100 degrees.  It was tough sledding which the chemo nurse said is not "normal" for the 1st treatment.  While the 1st treatment can be hard, it shouldn't have been as hard as it was.  

We learned a lot.  We know more what to do to ward off the worst of the side effects. I person absolutely HAS to eat and drink a lot to wash the chemicals from the body.  I didn't do enough of that, but I learned my lesson.   Here's hoping that Chemo #2 goes better.

Chemo #2 - September 12
Chemo #3 - October 3
Chemo #4 - October 24
Chemo #5 - November 14
Chemo #6 - December 5

Chemotherapy 101

How could something that has the potential to save your life, almost kill you in the process?
How could a person (me) permit another person (a nurse) to pump their body full of chemicals (that my husband refers to as DRANO) knowing that it is going to make them (me) very sick?  How can a person get to the point where they sign the forms that authorizes this poisoning by degrees to proceed even when it lists all the bad side effects that are about to happen to their body?  A body that has been carefully nourished, exercised, accessorized, pampered whenever possible and sometimes even adored?

Here's a look at the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY of Chemotherapy.

The GOOD:
It works.  It kills fast growing cancer cells.  It destroys those little  buggers that are multiplying and dividing like people in a polygamist compound. It sends them packing.  It destroys their ability to multiply and divide and invade and destroy.  It stops them dead in the tracks. Chemotherapy means chemical treatment.  The chemicals interfere with cell growth and cause the cells to die.  Generally it is out of the body 48 hours after it is given, but the effects rage on for days.  Unfortunately, it also stops everything else that is quickly multiplying and dividing as well.  Which brings us to:

The BAD:

The chemotherapy drugs.  My oncologist Dr. Wallentine refers to them as "medicine."  Haha! I really like Dr. Wallentine, but I think he is a little off the mark with that description.  Anyway, my chemo cocktail of his choice are Carboplatin & Taxotere, both antineoplastic agents.  With a side dish of Herceptin (which isn't really considered a chemo drug after all, but a "targeted therapy" drug that goes after the little devil know as HER2 protein that is "over-expressing" in my body.  They gave me some light reading on each of these drugs which consisted of five single spaced pages describing how they work and the havoc they will unleash on my body.

The UGLY:
The side affects.  From my Chemotherapy  and You book I quote:  "Some common side affects from chemotherapy are fatigue, nausea, vomiting, decreased blood cell counts, hair loss, mouth sores, and pain.  Chemotherapy is designed to kill fast-growing cancer cells.  But it can also affect healthy cells that grow quickly.  These include cells that line your mouth, intestines, cells in your bone marrow that make blood cells, and cells that make your hair grow.  Chemotherapy causes side effects when it harms these healthy cells."  That might be a bit of an understatement right there.

Luckily, advances are being made in cancer treatment.  Maybe someday there will be drugs that only go after the bad stuff and leave the good stuff alone.  One of those advances that is to my advantage is that the drug Herceptin only targets the bad cells and doesn't cause the typical side affects that the other two traditional chemo drugs do.  I will have a dose of it every month for a year.  The other two will be given in six treatments, three weeks apart.  Oh joy.  Let the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY begin.  Going through chemo increases my chances of no reoccurrence by 25%.  I'll take that 25%, thank you very much. If any of those infiltrating ductile carcinoma cells escaped into my bloodstream or are hiding somewhere else, it's time to send them packing.  Let's get on with it.

A reprieve from the fight

24th of July parade in SLC

Lunch at Grandma Pat's

Baby W just chillin

Lunch with our friends Keith and Lorie at their home

Dinner with the family in Old Town

Skippy overseeing the dressing of her baby brother before his blessing

His new outfit, sock and shoes.  So cute!

Proud mother and son

What a good looking family!

I'm so glad we could be there to participate in the blessing of little W

 

 

After surgery on July 20, I had until August 22 to recover and spend some time in the company of members of my support team before chemotherapy.  We just lived life like we normally do.  Jordan and Jake came to town with their three little girls and we got to have them around for about a week.  Rich drove Claire and their two little ones up for a two week visit and then I helped drive them back down when the time came.  Rick flew down and we got to attend the baby blessing of little WRH.  He is such a sweet little boy and I had a wonderful five days just sitting around being entertained by Olympic hopeful Skippy and her little bro. It was the best therapy I could have asked for.  We had some good times doing a bunch of fun summer time activities.  These pictures say it all. 

The spiritual side of things

When the "C" (cancer) word is pronounced on a person, time stands still.  It's difficult to grasp the concept that there is  an invader in the body that can kill and that if left unchecked, it will kill.  It's a paradigm shift to know that a life that was once carefree and unfettered will now be more carefully lived, more thoughtfully reviewed and more measured.  It will be a life that is more appreciative for each new day because now there is a major treat to each new day. There has also come a realization of facing one's own mortality and staring it down.

How to react?
How to move forward?
What to learn from the experience?
How to help others?
How to help myself?
How to cope?
What to learn from it?

I believe that we came to earth as sons and daughters of God to be tested and to be tried to see if we would follow the example of Jesus Christ.  I've had a few trials along the way in my life, but nothing quite like this.  In large measure, I've lived a charmed life.  When "things" were going too well, it could be a little unsettling because I've always felt that the calm could proceed the storm.  I've seen it happen before.  I've always felt that I couldn't escape life living a charmed existence and not follow in some of the Savior's steps to Gethsemane.  If I am to know Him better, I need to submit to His will for me. I need to partake in His suffering.
 
 I Peter 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
13 But rejoice inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.   

 We've had many,  many great years of calm.  I suppose that it's our (my) turn for a storm.  It's my turn to be tested to see what I'm made of. I haven't thought for a moment "Why me?"  If anything, I've truly thought "why NOT me?"  I have been strengthened by the many, many people who have been praying and fasting for me.  I appreciate your love and support more than you will ever know.

Do I blame God?  Certainly not.  Do I blame someone or something else?  Certainly not.  Do I think I just have bad luck?  No.  I may have a genetic preponderance to this disease, and there may be every likelihood that this is part of God's plan for me.  I will put my trust my Heavenly Father and know that everything will work out for my best good.  I'll remain calm and I'll fight on.  I'll pray.  I'll ponder.  I'll read and I'll learn.  I'll exercise faith.  I'll ask for His blessings. I'll seek the wondrous blessings of His Atonement in my life.  And when I come out at the end of it, I hope His image is reflected in my countenance. 


 Alma 36:3...for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.

My support team

How could anyone go through this experience alone?  People with cancer need a lot of emotional support. Thank goodness there are community support groups that are in place to help people who need some extra help.  After diagnosis, the UVRMedical Center sent out a lot of information from the breast care nurse specialist along with information about various support groups that are available to help women through this experience.  So far, I haven't felt the need to call about these groups because I have my own support team.  And what a support team they are!  I'd like to introduce them to you.  

My dear and strong husband.  My rock and my best friend.

My sweet family.  Our four children, their wonderful spouses and our six little grandchildren.

My Mom (who had faced this trial herself) and my four sisters
 Janet, Lee, Ann (Carol is missing from this picture.)

Andy and his sweet girlfriend Chelsea.  They have gone above and beyond the call to help me.

My in-laws Pat and Vern who have been so supportive, helpful and encouraging.

Our kids all went in together and bought me one of these lovely items!  An iPad! I think Claire was behind this idea and she helped get it all set up and loaded with lots of very interesting reading material with all my interests.  It has been so helpful to have a little handheld computer to use in my bedroom to keep track of work email, stay in touch with people, watch Netflix, read the newspaper and generally stay in touch with the world while I convalesce.  The part I love the best is the ability I now have to do FaceTime & Skype with our kids in an instant.  I LOVE IT!

Jordan had the great idea to put together a book with notes and cards that people have sent me.  She sent out an email to our extended family and to my good friends and ask them to contribute uplifting and encouraging words.  They were all so kind to write me the sweetest notes. I just cried when I read them all. I've already read through them several times now and I know that they will be a huge comfort and support to me as I go through my treatments.
I also have my dear friends, my ward family, my Relief Society sisters, my YW girls and leaders, my neighbors, my work associates, Rick's work associates and my extended family members.  Thank you to one and all who contributed to the book or helped me in any way.  You don't know how much your positive and loving words mean to me.  I couldn't do this without you ALL.  I have felt your love and emotional support.