I cannot, for the life of me, understand why active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints apostatize and leave the church. I just don't get it. I don't understand how people I know and love who were baptized as eight-year-old children, who grew up attending church with their families, often serving LDS missions and teaching and testifying to other people about the truths of the gospel, and then marrying in the temple and making sacred covenants, can leave. Just like that. Gone. The End. Or so it seems.
They may struggle with the decision and hesitate telling people of their decision, but in the end, they do announce their exit and then walk away and often expect those around them not to react in a way that will make THEM feel uncomfortable. In fact, their leaving generally makes everyone around them feel uncomfortable, distressed and terribly sad. Make no mistake, it is the biggest of deals. I wonder if in our desire to be so accommodating and not offend, we who remain with the faith give the impression that we are either neutral about their action in leaving or that we don't want to get involved because of the possible unpleasant consequences that could harm family relationships. I think that parents have every right to say how they feel in a loving way, but to say what they feel about this major shift in belief. We may feel limited in expressing our true feelings because finding the right words at the right time can be difficult. People have agency and they can use that agency however they want. But they can't choose the consequences of their choices. Why should family dynamics change to accommodate the one who left? My thought is that traditions and religious observations should go on as usual since most family members remain true to the faith. The one who leaves can decide if they will participate.
Often promises are made to the parents when a young man asks for a young lady's hand in marriage. Are those expectations to be disregarded now? What if one spouse leaves and one spouse stays? What happens to the children and their future religious prospects? These and many more are very challenging problems that I have seen play out more than I would have imagined.
There may be other church members who are relatively new to the gospel as converts who haven't had decades of church membership in their family lines. There may be some who only attended infrequently, and who never gained for themselves a strong conviction of the truths of the restored gospel. Those situations I understand a little better.
It makes me feel so incredibly sad. Sad for them. Sad for their spouses (if one leaves and the other one doesn't.) Sad for their children, parents, extended family and friends. Sad that they are forgetting (as I see it) their birthright. I'm trying to figure out if they have truly stopped to weigh and measure the consequences, eternal consequences, by walking away. What of the covenants they made in the temple and at baptism? Are those of no consequence now? Did they not really mean it when they made them?
I've always liked the thought of being a strong link in the chain of family members over generations. I remember hearing this talk given by Elder David B. Haight in 2000. It created in my mind and heart a desire to ALWAYS be a strong link in the chain binding my past family relations to my future ones. I never wanted to be the one who broke the chain. I'm fortunate to be the 5th generation of a chain of believers who accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ in their home lands in Europe. I've now passed that belief on to two more generations. President Hinckley spoke to the students at BYU years ago. He made the statement that life is a great chain of generations, link following link, until the end of time. In talking to the students, he encouraged them not to be a weak link but to be a strong link in their family generations.
I realize that there are as many different circumstances for people leaving as there are people. In my experience, here is what I've noticed from some of those who have left. Some have been offended by other members or a church leader, others don't like church policies or the way the church leadership has handled certain aspects of church history. Some can't reconcile inconsistencies in early church history. Some may lack faith or don't actively maintain their faith and it slips away. Others get hung up on polygamy that was practiced in the church over 100 years ago. Some don't like the burden of keeping the commandments. Some just don't want to try anymore. Others think that Joseph Smith was a fraud and a liar. Some may believe that grace is sufficient to be saved and that works don't matter. Some don't like the church stance on the family, particularly the definition that marriage is between a man and a woman. Some want a 10% raise by not paying tithing and a full two-day weekend by not having to attend church. Some are lazy and don't want to make much effort. Some have made mistakes that are of such a serious nature that they have determined that they are outside of the healing power of the atonement. They excommunicate themselves. They don't want to confess their sins and forsake them, so they just quit coming. Some become atheists or agnostics. Some women have issues with priesthood authority only being given to men and their supposed hierarchal leadership over women in the church. Some don't understand the doctrine as taught by the Savior in all its fullness. Some never really had testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ in the first place. They may feel like they were deceived and that all a person needs to do is Come to Jesus. Maybe they don't believe in God anymore because they have suffered a terribly hard experience and think that He wasn't there for them. Others become too smart for their own good. They pursue higher education in very liberal institutions and let those institutions and professors and other influences change their ways of thinking about religious things. They are made to look odd or weak for having faith, because faith is old school and can't be proven. These and many more are all possible, and understandable, reasons to struggle. I get it. We all have doubts of various things along the way. It's what we do with those doubts and questions that matters. Do we feed them or do we push them out with action to build and maintain our faith? I love what Elder Uchtdorf said some years ago: Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.
But there are so many more reasons to stay. Where do I even start? Gospel living will make our lives go better. Not problem free, but better because we will have the tools to deal with challenges when they come. We have a clear view and understanding of the plan of salvation - where we came from, why we are here struggling along, and where we can go if we prove faithful. The gospel of Jesus Christ gives us something to shoot for, something better than our "natural man/woman tendencies." We will have fewer addictions and health problems because of our health code and living practices. Our children will turn out better (not problem free, but more grounded in morals and values.) They will be successful in life because they have an anchor and a guide to live by that brings them and us greater happiness and perspective. We will have opportunities to serve others on a regular basis, have teaching and training for our children, and enjoy youth opportunities in a safe, caring environment, friendship and watch care of other adults. We have LDS temples dotting the world where we can go to do saving ordinances for our kindred dead and thereby strengthen the chain of generations. We can be sealed to our spouses for time and all eternity by one having authority to do so. We care for the poor and needy in meaningful ways on a very large scale. We learn of the value of education and self-reliance and we take care of our own needs. We strive to improve ourselves and be better people of good judgement, with high moral standards. And we strive to share the good news of the gospel wherever and whenever we can. With all these blessings (and more) that come through gospel living, why wouldn't we want to share it? After all, what else has any lasting value in the world? If we were to leave, where else would we go that offers what this church offers?
Another questions is WHERE do people turn when they have questions or doubts. Do they turn to trusted family members, friends of faith, leaders, and those with whom they have had significant spiritual experiences over their lives, or, do they turn to strangers with the end goal of turning their faith into ashes. Some podcasts, books, live chats, newspapers with liberal agendas, and of course the internet which is the font of all the is true and correct (wrong!) People will find what they are looking for. Maybe it will be an essay written by a former institute teacher, a disavowed leader, a blogger with an anti-Mormon agenda, or members of some standing in the community, or the incitements of other churches that play catchy music and dance in the isles. There are many carrots dangling from what appears to be better and more interesting ways of being religions. But do they have the authority and power to bind on earth what will be bound in heaven? I believe that the key is to look UP not around. Seek personal revelation directly from our Heavenly Father. Seek for His confirmation, not from worldly sources.
I don't intend to judge people when they leave, but I would like to understand more about why they leave. I want to understand, primarily because their leaving changes the dynamics within family, friendships and neighborhoods, especially if those relationships have been long-standing over decades. What was once a shared commonality now becomes an awkward adjustment in trying to find new common ground. What can be discussed, what must be avoided? What will offend? What were once joyful shared experiences, now become taboo or greatly altered in trying to ensure that no one feels uncomfortable. This is very hard to manage. How is this best navigated?
Of course I know it is through love that all things can be accomplished Love is the great common ground. It is the great equalizer. It opens doors and it opens hearts. It heals and it comforts. But there also needs to be honest communication. Talking openly with trust with loved ones helps to bridge the gap. Setting up new ground rules and new ways of doing things so that no one steps on a land mine would be so helpful. It takes maturity and careful maneuvering to pull this off, but it can be done. What other ideas could be suggested?
We are living in the last dispensation of the fullness of times. Satan is abroad in the land. He is trying with all his might to trip up, stop, discourage, lie to, deceive and plant seeds of doubt into the hearts and mind of the believers in Christ. He is waging full out battle. He stops at nothing. He is going to find a little crack in the armor of long-time members of the church and he is going to chip away, chip away, here a little, there a little, until he succeeds in pulling down the faith and belief of a follower of Christ as a member of this church. This was prophesied in the scriptures:
Matthew 24:24 - For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.
To my dear loved ones, family members and friends, don't be deceived! Hold on to your faith! Do the daily practices that build faith including the basics like prayer, church attendance, service, going to the temple and staying within the bounds the Lord has set. The best thing I know of to keep a testimony of this restored gospel is to read the Book of Mormon daily. I doubt that someone who is actually reading the Book of Mormon daily is going to walk away. The power and pure gospel teachings of that book are too strong. It cannot be denied. Our past beloved President Monson, with his last general address to the church, pleaded with the membership of the church to read the Book of Mormon daily. It is one sure way to keep the faith. He said: This morning I speak about the power of the Book of Mormon and the critical need we have as members of this Church to study, ponder, and apply its teaching in our lives. The importance of having a firm and sure testimony of the Book of Mormon cannot be overstated.
Yesterday we attended the temple sealing of our dear family friends (Tyler and Kenna) in the Provo City Temple. As I sat there, I could feel the spirit confirm to me once again that this is Christ's church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has the power, authority, teachings and blessings we need to enjoy life now and in the life to come. We have a living prophet and twelve apostles who receive inspiration and follow our Savior and our Heavenly Father. Through sealing ordinances in the temple, what is bound on earth will be bound in heaven. I have felt that spiritual confirmation again and again and I can never deny it. This is where I plant my flag and I will not be moved. Andy attended the wedding with me and Rick and as we walked out he said in essence: "This is where we stand. This is what we believe. This is who we are."
