Grief

Going through grief after a loved one passes away is such an difficult, individual process.  As Rick and I have grieved following Jake's death, we have been hit by waves of sorrow at unexpected times and at unexpected places.  We are reminded daily that Jake is no longer in Arizona with his little family and tears will well up and our hearts will be sad.  We strive to comfort one another and do our best to comfort our daughter and our grandchildren in these hard days, weeks, months and years that lay ahead.  The reality that he is "gone" and we can't see him anymore is a hard reality to accept. Even our understanding of where his spirit has gone and the fact that we will see him again sometime, at difficult moments, doesn't assuage our grief like we would want it to.  We miss him and he know that he absence has left a gaping hole in the lives of so many people who love him, especially Jordan and his children.

A few weeks ago there was an article in the newspaper about a book called "Lament for a Son" by Nicholas Wolterstorff, a Christian philosopher.  I ordered the book and read it immediately.  As I read this book, I found that I have felt many of the same emotions that he felt when his son died in a climbing accident.  He offers precious insight into loss and grief.

He says:  I cannot fit it together.  I can only, with Job, endure...I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and resurrecter of Jesus Christ.  I also believe that my son's life was cut off in his prime.  I cannot fit the pieces together...to the most agonized question I have ever asked I do not know the answer.  I do not know why God would watch him fall.  I do not know why God would watch me wounded.  I cannot even guess.

Not even the best of words can take away the pain...Please, don't say that it's not really so bad. Because it is.  Death is awful, demonic.  If you think your task as comforter is to tell me that really, all things considered, its not so bad, you do not sit with me in grief but place yourself off in the distance away from me.  Over there, you are of no help.  What I need to hear from you is that you recognize how painful it is.  I need to hear from you that you are with me in my desperation.  To comfort me, you have to come close.  Come sit by me on my mourning bench.

We took him too much for granted.  Perhaps we all take each other too much for granted.  The routines of life distract us, our own pursuits make us oblivious; our anxieties and sorrows, unmindful. The beauties of the familiar go unremarked.  We do not treasure each other enough.

It is the neverness that is so painful.  Never again to be here with us, never to sit with us at table, never to travel with us, never to laugh with us, never to cry with us, never to embrace us as he leaves for school, never to see his brothers and sisters marry.  All the rest of our lives we must live without him.  Only our death can stop the pain of his death.

Nevertheless, Wolterstorff deems his sorrow precious:

Grief is existential testimony to the worth of the one loved.  That worth abides.  So I own my grief.  I do not try to put it behind me, to get over it, to forget it.  God is appalled by death.  My pain over my son's death is shared by his pain over my son's death.  And yes, I share in his pain over his son's death.  God is not only the God of the sufferers but the God who suffers.  Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus because he loved him.

Faith is a footbridge you don't know will hold you up over the chasm until you're forced to walk out onto it.  I will look at the world through tears.  Perhaps I shall see things that dry-eyed I could not see.

In the valley of suffering, despair and bitterness are brewed.  But there also character is made.  The valley of suffering is the vale of soul-making.

...which passeth all understanding...

Philippians 4:7

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, 

shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

We have felt that peace that passeth all understanding as we said goodbye to Jake.  We have also prayed that the peace we have felt will linger with us, especially with Jordan and their little children. I offer my sincere gratitude to all of those who have mourned with us and who have offered their love, comfort and support at this difficult time.  So many have provided extraordinary service to our families and for that I'm extremely grateful.  It was a treasured time to celebrate Jake's life and his legacy with a funeral in Arizona and a memorial service in Utah.  So many family members and friends attended these services and extended their love and support.

Jacob Clyde Robertson
April 4, 1979 ~ April 23, 2016

My wonderful friends Leslie and Kathleen provided these
beautiful programs for us as a gift.  I've never seen such a
 beautiful funeral program and I'm so grateful to
them for this service that they gave us.
Contact them for more information for printing.
Leslie owns:
http://www.sendsations.com/

The inside of the program

The programs for the services and Jake's balancing
 wheel and the link to Jordan's talk at the funeral that tells more about it
http://jtrainride.blogspot.com/2016/05/my-talk-from-jakes-funeral.html

Jake's memory lives on as we think of him and try to follow his example in how to live a good life, following the principles of the balancing wheel (including setting goals in the areas of Physical, Social, Spiritual and Intellectual growth and achievement throughout lives.)  As I prepared his burial clothes through my tears, I thought of the many ways he has touched my life and how he was such a perfect match for my sweet daughter in marriage.  I'm so grateful for him and his influence in my life. He will be sorely missed, but we know that we will see him again, thanks to the matchless gift of the Savior, Christ Jesus.

Jake the BYU fan extraordinaire,
 http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=15792494

Family life in pictures, capturing precious moments

Early life items, including his mission to Spain
 and his graduation diplomas from BYU and the U of U,
 and items from his legal career.

Wonderful Jessica helped me prepare the display
(along with the Philipp women) and it was an honor
to prepare to show a few treasured items from Jake's life

The pallbearers in AZ who are all his brothers and fathers

Most of the Robertson family

Our family

My children with darling Ellie doing her thing

My children who love and support one another.  I love them so much.

Our dear, long-time family friends the Philipp family came to AZ to support us.
Their six children and our four children have been friends since childhood.

Andy, Tyler, Jordan, Curtis, Becky, Andy, Claire, Jana and Dave.
  The only one missing is Craig who sent his wife Amanda
 and stayed home to care for their children. 

Chelsea, Amanda, Heidi, Becky, Becca, Jordan, Claire, Jana and Courtney
As they have married and started families of their own,
they have remained close and have become friends with one another.

My sweet sister Carol came to AZ to attend the funeral
and offer her love and support.  She has lost two husbands to the
same awful tumor that took Jake's life.  She is a great support
 and friend to Jordan and she can empathize like no one else.
My brother Paul and his wife DeNae also attended the funeral in AZ.

My best friend and helper through
 a very hard experience of losing our dear son (SIL)
We have shed many tears through this journey together
 and he is my anchor and my strength.

We're thankful to those who sent some flowers to the services,
 but also grateful for all those who have contributed
 to the fund for the future needs of the children.
  http://jtrainride.blogspot.com/2016/04/donations.html
We will continue to work to reach our goal.

The pallbearers in Utah

Barbara (Jake's mother) Jordan and children

Larry Hansen our family friend and the mortician.
Larry took care of Jake's body in AZ and UT
and drove down to conduct the services
and bring his body back to UT for burial.
Who does that?
I highly recommend his services and tender care.
http://www.serenityfhs.com/

Jake's parents John and Barbara and his wonderful siblings and their spouses.
James, Jenny, Jordan, Matt, Jessica, Jen, Taylor,
Steven, Kirsten, Brian, Christian and Sarah
We loved spending time with this good family.

Our family at the beautiful East Lawn Memorial Hills
 cemetery with Mt. Timp in the background

Jordan and children

My sisters and their spouses came to love and support us.
Carol, me, Lee, Janet and Mary Ann
Many of Rick's family attended as well,
 but sadly we didn't get any pictures together.
Ann, Doug, Margie and their families attended.

Jordan's cousins on my side of the family who attended
 (missing Lindsey who was nearby with her baby)
We so much appreciate their love and support.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. 

 Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

Jacob Clyde Robertson ~ April 4, 1979 - April 23, 2016

Jacob Clyde Robertson was born on April 4, 1979, in Provo, Utah, the son of John Steven Robertson Sr. and Barbara Clyde; he died on April 23, 2016, in Phoenix, Arizona (glioblastoma multiforme). The intervening thirty-seven years have been full and eventful. Foremost was his marriage to Jordan Romney on May 8, 2004, in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. Together, they gave life to Lauren (10), Ellie (8), Ada (6) and Thomas (2). From the earliest age, Jacob loved the physicality and challenge of sports: baseball, football, basketball, tennis, lacrosse, and golf. He was an ardent, lifelong BYU sports fan, football in particular. Jacob was a dedicated scholar in high school (Orem High), in College (B.A., Political Science, Brigham Young University) and in his post graduate studies (Doctor of Jurisprudence, University of Utah, Law Review Editor). His skill as a researcher made him a successful attorney (nine years at the Phoenix law firm, Perkins Coie), specializing in corporate litigation and contributing to many significant cases. Jacob was a man of resolute character, an accomplished man who loved and served others. His LDS Church mission brought him to Madrid, Spain, where among other assignments, he served seven months as Branch President in Cuenca. Using his skills as a lawyer, Jacob dedicated significant pro bono hours, assisting those who had no legal recourse. He served on the board of Raising Special Kids. He coached youth soccer. His greatest service, however, was accomplished within his home, where in gratitude and love, he served his wife and children. “This is the generation that seek thy face, O Jacob. Selah” (Psalms 24:6). As per Psalms 24:3-5, Jacob Clyde Robertson has now ascended into the hill of the Lord, and at this moment, he stands in a holy place, in His holy place. Now, as before, his is a life of clean hands and a pure heart. We, with so many others, love him and still seek his face.

In lieu of flowers you may donate to the Robertson Children’s Fund at any branch of Mountain America Credit Union in person or by phone at 1-800-310-6228, option 0.

As the end of Jake's life draws near

This talk give by Elder Paul Johnson gave me great comfort at the last general conference.  As Jake lives out his last few days of life, I'm so grateful for the knowledge we have of the plan of salvation. We know where we came from, why we are here on earth and what we are suppose to do - knowing that we will be tested and tried to see if we will remain true to Jesus Christ and his teachings. Depending on how valiant we are in that effort of staying true to Christ, we know where we are going.  Attending our temples and making and keeping sacred covenants will further determine our future happiness.

Jake and Jordan have all these important steps in place.  In their short 12 years of married life (their anniversary is three weeks from today) they have made choices and kept covenants that have placed them and their family squarely on the path of eternal life.  Together.  As a family.  They have accomplished in 12 short years what takes many of us years to accomplish.  And they do it with a grateful, if not heartbroken, heart.  They get it.  They know the plan.  They have faith in the plan. Their courage and determination to hold fast to what they KNOW to be true carries them.

I'm so grateful to Jake for being courageous.  He hasn't complained or murmured.  He has accepted this terrible burden that has been placed on his shoulders and has done his very best to help his family prepare for the future without him and ultimately, his death.  He is a true believer in God and His son and his belief strengthens our belief. His testimony of Christ is at the core of his being. He is at the center of the calm that is felt in their home.

I'm grateful for Jordan and I'm so extremely proud of the way she has come to accept and carry, as best she can, this terrible challenge and ultimate loss of her dear husband.  Her example of strength and faith has influenced hundreds through her blog and the sharing of their journey.  She has sought the power of the atonement through prayer, fasting and faith and is finding the strength necessary to lose the one things she values most in life.  Her dear Jacob.

I'm grateful for four little children who are doing the best they can at their tender ages to understand the cope with the loss of their dad.  Their childlike faith is simple and yet strong and they know that their Heavenly Father loves them, as does their dear father Jake.  That great outpouring of love will give them strength to cope better in the days ahead with the help of their mother, and many others who love them dearly.

I'm grateful for all the good people who have inquired about Jake and who have reached out and helped their family through this past two years and three months.  Thousands of prayers have gone heavenward for this little family.  Fasting, temple prayer roll and many other helps and services have been offered for this family.  Words can't express the gratitude I feel for scores of good people.

I'm grateful that Jake's parents could rent an apartment and stay in Phoenix to be near Jordan and Jake and their family.  Their love and support is invaluable and we all appreciate their love and concern as they have rendered daily service. May they also feel of our love for them and their wonderful family as they prepare to say goodbye to their dear son and brother.

I'm grateful to my husband, my children and their spouses who have drawn closer together as we have pleaded to the Lord in prayer to send strength, comfort and peace to this family.

And I'm grateful to God.  As I've said before, I trust Him.  I don't understand all His ways or the reasons for why things happen, but I trust Him.  I know that ALL things will be made right through Christ.  I'm trying to be still...and find God to strengthen me and those I love through the power of his son's marvelous atonement.

Gathering strength from family

We had a memorable weekend last week as we spent precious family time together and as we said goodbye to Jake.  Jordan and Jake requested that we all come as a family and spend a few days with them.  Jake's parents and siblings and their spouses had come the weekend before. J & J wanted to carry on as normally as possible and that is just what we did or at least tried to do.  The girls were out of school on spring break so we had a lot of fun sharing activities with them.
Our hearts were heavy with sadness as we contemplated those final goodbyes, but this was a special weekend for our family.  There were many moments of happiness, fun, enjoyment and some very sad moments of almost sacred family time.  Those intimate moments are too special to be shared here, but I did want to share some of the memories we enjoyed as a family.  There was such a feeling of love, kindness and support the entire weekend.  Claire and R, Dave and Courtney, Andy and Chelsea traveled from out of state with their children and everyone arrived by Thursday evening.  We were all together.  There is such strength and peace in family time.  We had family pictures taken by a dear woman who offered her professional services.  We stayed in the homes of some of the ward members who love Jordan and Jake and who offered their homes.  And we rallied together and felt the strength, peace and calm that only the Savior can give.  Jake set the tone in his home, and he and Jordan's faith, calm demeanor and courage strengthened us all, even when we thought we were going to help them.

What's not to love about KID pedicures?

Pampering X 6

Cousin time was the best and they all played
 together so well in the 80 degree weather

Lizzie on the slip-n-slid A&C brought 

Ada enjoying a good slide.  Andy and Chelsea
were so good to play with them and make
 a huge obstacle course around the entire house.

Will having some fun,
while being super cautious of the slip-n-slid

Watching BYU play ball against Virginia Tech,
one of our long-time shared family activities, cheering on the Cougars

Ebelskivers anyone? Chef Lauren

Easter egg hut in the backyard...

...and in the front yard.

Eight of the cutest grandchildren of all time.

Adult dinner out to one of Jake's favorite restaurants - Barrio

Grandma Vonnie pulled another tooth,
this time for Ada

Lunch, poolside

Endless story time that I loved

Great meals for 18, thanks to the help of everyone

Those little boys love their Grandpa Rickeee

Hanging out with Jake

Darling girls getting warm and dry

Margaret finds an Easter egg

Reading stories can be exhausting

Charlie and Will love each other!

After church, saying goodbye

Crazy brothers

Ellie and a mystery person

Tommy boy finding eggs

More slip-n-slid Ada?

Lizzie conquers!

Ellie slides in every manner possible

Will enjoying (?) the tape game

Chelsea and Ada before family photos

Family parade!

Jake, the grand marshall

This picture was taken the weekend before
of Jake surrounded by the love of his family.  The love we feel for them is beyond measure.

I saw this quote the week we were there.
 I think it perfectly captures how Jordan and Jake
 are handling this severe trial.
 Even though it is terribly hard and sad,
 it is making them stronger and better people.

I couldn't help but notice their initials
 engraved in the sidewalk.  JR, JR, LR, EBR, AR, TR.
 They are a forever family and their love is eternal.