Stadium of Fire 2011

Once again, it was a great show. Rick and I went this year with Carol, Madi and Taylor, along with Jordan and Jake, Claire & R, and Andy. We really missed Dave and Courtney. I think this is the 20th or so time we've attended. It just wouldn't be the 4th of July without going to Stadium of Fire. I'm always moved to tears by one or more things in the patriotic program. Even though we're not big country music fans, we really enjoyed the show put on my Brad Paisley. Brad can play the guitar like no other. He was a great entertainer. David Archuleta was his usual sweet self and I enjoyed hearing him sing. Loved the flyover, the parachutes, the dancers, the chorus, the amazing fireworks (probably the best we've ever seen) and I LOVE the USA!

There was one mishap however...yikes!

6~16~1979

Who is that blond haired young man and that girl with the permed bouffant hair style?
I love looking at this pictures with our families, our grandmothers, our siblings and other family and friends who could share the day with us.
We honeymooned in Denver, Boulder, and Colorado Springs, Colorado. We stayed a night in two five start hotels, the Brown Palace in downtown Denver and the Broadmoor resort in Colorado Springs.


We've been at it 32 years now. That's kind of incredible to me because it seems like a long time in some ways and such a short time in other ways. It's been a wonderful journey and I hope we have an unlimited number to go. To infinity and beyond, as the saying goes. We went to the temple tonight to do temple sealings of husbands to wives and children to parents for those who have passed on. Once again we were reminded of the power and blessings of the sealing covenant that make our marriage endure beyond the grave.
The best gifts my husband has given me are his devotion, his faithfulness, his trust, his love, his loyalty, his hard work and his great sense of humor. Not to mention that I also got 4 amazing children out of the deal. All in all, it has been a great ride!
I love you dear blue-eyed, less-hair, tall, handsome man.

Parenting adult children

Another class at BYU women's conference I enjoyed and learned from was taught by a woman in our area that I greatly admire named Lloya. She is the mother of 10 or 11 children and she is a fabulous woman in every way. I've known her for years and I always learn from her. She is a great thinker and writer and her thought blog is evidence of this (along with her main blog.)
Her topic was on how to effectively parent adult children. She should know, she has a slug of them and they are wonderful people.
Here are some notes I took from her talk:

• put yourself in the position of your adult child. How would you want your parents to handle any given situation? Put the shoe on the other foot. Remember, remember, remember when you were that age.
• encourage your children to use their agency and to rely on personal revelation to find answers to their questions and problems.
• discuss and council, listen carefully to what they are saying, talk about the pros and the cons of different situations, guide them to the Lord to make decisions, Jacob 1:17, but don't tell them what to do!
  
• exercise faith in them and remember that Heavenly Father knows them best and that He will assist them as they turn to Him for help
• in-law children may cause anxiety. Remember that it takes about a year for a young married couple to adjust and find their way in doing things. Let the new family unit function on its own.
• don't monopolize your children and their spouse. Let their in-law family have their fair share of time with them. Don't think or ever say that your traditions are cooler or better than another family. The traditions and ways of doing things of one family are never superior to another family. They are just their traditions and ways. There is no perfect way. Period.
  
• treat your in-law children better than you treat your own children. It will come back to you in ways you can't even imagine. Strive to truly love your in-law children. Appreciate their different styles, talents and gifts and encourage them as your would your own.
  
• set expectations in jello, not stone on attending family events. Let the couple decide. Don't keep tract and don't keep a tally, even mentally. Free your mind and heart for more meaningful things.
• encourage generosity of feeling towards the spouses family. Be an example and don't speak ill of them. Ever.
• don't take sides in a disagreement between your child and their spouse. Offer a sympathetic ear and heart, but don't get in the middle.
• they help us, we help them. Give and take in extended families. Everyone contributes. Share meals and make sure everyone has an assignment. Take turns in family functions and give everyone a chance to host.
• don't give them too much by way of material things, even if you are able. It's against the principles of self reliance. They need to learn the lessons that come with figuring things out. Don't save them unless they really need help, and then ASK them if they want help.
• stay strong and hold to Heavenly Father's plan. Keep our faith in the plan. Be of good cheer.
• adult children have adult problems. Assist, encourage and cheer them on, but don't try and solve their problems or take them away. Remember the importance of parenting vs. overprotecting our adult children.
• reciprocity is based more on mutual acts of service and caring. For example, as adult children have conversations with their parents, they can express interest, ask questions, listen empathetically, and offer encouragement, praise, and support. As adult children nurture friendships with their parents, there comes an emotional reciprocity in the relationship that is largely independent of financial reciprocity.

Lloya referenced this article by Dr. Rick Miller (who I know well, btw.) It's a great article to review even if your married children aren't so newly-wed anymore. It contains great advice.

For Newlyweds and Their Parent, by Richard B. Miller,Professor of Family Life, Brigham Young University

"When children marry, a fundamental shift should occur in their relationship with their parents.
Relationships between adult children and parents don’t really change until there is reciprocity in the relationship. Relationships develop an equal footing when both people give to each other, but when only one party gives and the other takes, an unequal relationship develops. An adult-to-adult relationship can be established only upon the principle of reciprocity."

Strenghs can become weaknesses

A month ago, I went to a BYU Women's conference talk given by my cousin Rebecca. She drew her comments heavily from this talk given by Elder Oaks in 1992. “Preventing Strengths from Becoming Our Downfall.” It's a very powerful and interesting talk.
Rebecca did such a great job sharing her own experiences and examples of how to avoid the pitfalls of letting our strengths become our weakness. I've been thinking about it ever since.

Elder Oaks suggests 17 areas in his talk where we might be tempted to let a strength become a weakness:

• Misapplication of Love and Tolerance

• Not Really Following the Prophet

• Materialistic Self-Reliance

• All-Consuming Patriotism

• Inordinate Church Service

• Distorted Faith

• Accomplishment and Pride

• Excesses in Giving

• Neglect or Distortion of Family Duties

• Popular Teachers and the Potential of Priestcraft

• An Intense Focus on Goals

• Social Consciousness Not Tempered by Other Values

• A Desire to Sacrifice More Than Is Needful

• Honors That Sometimes Turn to Our Detriment

• A Desire to Be Led in All Things

• Misapplication of Spiritual Gifts

• Gospel Hobbies

Cousin Rebecca talked specifically about two...not letting love and tolerance produce indifference to truth and justice and not letting a desire to serve excessively overshadow more important responsibilities.

She used the example of how we as mothers love our children. Sometimes our love for them can overshadow our responsibility to teach them, guide them, and to actually parent them as they learn and grow. It is possible to love your children too much? Yes, it is possible if we aren't parenting them, teaching them, guiding them and sometimes saying "no" even if it makes them unhappy. If you are a popular parent who rarely says no, or who doesn't set limits and rules, you aren't doing your children any favors. You're letting your love for them get in the way of what is best for them. You're letting the strength of your love weaken your children if you are unbalanced. They need a parent, not a best friend. We need to find balance between love and guidance and discipline. Granted, it is possible to do both, but sometimes we let our desire to be "liked" by them and to not get into conflicts with them cloud our judgement about what is best for them. If they are always getting their way, something is wrong. Sometimes the children are in charge of the parents. We have to ask ourselves when we're faced with a tough choice that may cause conflict if we say NO - what is right? or is it easiest to just give in? Sometimes we give up and do what is easiest, but it may not be what is BEST for our children.

Rebecca suggested that we pray and ask for help in knowing if some of our strengths are making us weaker and becoming a distraction. She also references this talk given by Elder Oaks on 10/3/2009. It shares a very important message and helped me understand more clearly the importance of love and law.

6-11-11

Progress report to keep me motivated.
11 in 11

1. visit 11 temples this year and do the the temple work for at least 22 of our departed ancestors

• 1. Provo, Utah temple-10 sealings for couples and sons

• 2. Provo, Utah temple - 5 initiatory
• 3. Albuquerque, New Mexico temple - 5 initiatory
• 4. Mesa, Arizona temple - 1 endowment
• 5. Laie, Hawaii temple - 1 endowment
• 6. St. George, Utah temple - 1 endowment
• 7. Provo, Utah temple - 8 sealings for couples, 4 sons, 3 daughters
• 8. San Diego temple - 1 sealing for couples, 3 daughters
• 9. Provo, Utah temple - 14 baptisms for women, 14 confirmations
  

2. lose 11 pounds

• this one has turned out to be the hardest of all, still working on it though.
  

3. read 11 books

• 1. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

• 2. Heidi (a childhood favorite - loved reading it again)
• 3. Same Kind of Different as Me
• 4. The Forgotten Garden
• 5. Jane Eyre
  

4. organize & label 11 of our family photo books

• completed 4 books, starting in 1976 through 1982
  

5. visit 11 elderly people

• 1. G.G. 2. G.D.E. 3. M. Y. 4. L. B. 5. V. B. R. 6. D. F. 7. A. E. 8. U. R. 8. A. L. 9. U. V.
  

6. sew 11 items and give them away

• 1 skirt for Skippy, 1 blanket for Skippy, 1 skirt of Lauren, 1 skirt for Ellie, 1 skirt for Ada

7. go with Rick to visit 11 new places

• 1. drove around Utah Lake for the first time
• 2. North shore Oahu, Hawaii - including Waimea, Haleiwa & Sunset beach
  
• 3. Hike to Diamond head, Hawaii
• 4. West shore Oahu, Hawaii - including Waianae, Maili & Ko Olina bay
• 5. Legoland, California
• 6. PETCO stadium, San Diego California
  

8. send birthday cards to 11 people I don't normally send to

• 1. A. K. 2. A. K. 3. D. A. 4. D. R. 5. D. S. 6. G. G. 7. T. S. 8. D. G. 9. M. J.
  

9. watch 11 old movies that I love but haven't seen for awhile

• 1. Dances with Wolves

• 2. First Knight

• 3. Mama Mia

• 4. Groundhog Day
• 5. A River Runs Through It
• 6. October Sky
• 7. The Little Princess with Shirley Temple
  

10. make 11 new recipes

• 1. Lentil soup (won't be making this again - it wasn't a hit with the husband)

• 2. Ziti Primavera
• 3. Cinnamon rolls (new recipe)
• 4. Easter Dessert
• 5. oriental chicken in the crock pot
  

11. invite 11 groups of people over for dinner

• 1. Lacey & friends, Pat & Vern
• 2. Valentine dinner with the Mark & Colleen, Trent & Kelley
• 3. Cleofon group of women for luncheon
• 4. Ryan, Jill and Corbin C.
• 5. Dave's friends from college - Erick & Sam, Bryan & Kelly, Danny & Danielle, Kyle & Kayla
• 6. Cousin Margaret & family
• 7. Niece Syd & Adam, Danny & Danielle, Romney, Jesse
• 8. Ryan & Jill, Corbin & Loni (BBQ outside)
• 9. Denise, Lacey & family
• 10. Adam and Crissa