Chemo #4

October 24.  It was over two weeks ago, but it takes some time to get my wits about me in order to write about it.  Make no mistake, this is a battle.  I remember reading obituaries in the newspaper about people who "fought a good fight against cancer" or "battled cancer."  I get it now and so does Rick.  This is a fight.  It's a battle for me to keep submitting my body to the ravishes of chemotherapy.  It's a battle to not get too psyched out about it.  It's a battle to keep my spirit elevated so that it can lift my body.  It's a battle to not let my mind wander to dark places.  It's a battle to force myself to do things (like eat and drink) when that is the last thing on earth I want to do.  It's sometimes a battle to not throw in the towel and say "I can't do this anymore!"  Just like anything in life, it takes going through it to really understand/appreciate what is involved.

Round 4 was a worse than round 3, but still not at bad as the 1st round.  I think my immune system will just get weaker as it is beaten down over and over again.  The bone pain caused by the Neulasta shot isn't any fun, but the worse for me is feeling absolutely nauseated for days on end.  The oral drugs I was given for nausea just don't seem to be getting it done and they offer little relief.  I have absolutely no appetite.  Ever.  I don't crave anything and I eat only because I need to.  I don't have hunger pains and anything sweet holds no appeal. Plus, I can't taste much anyway.  I've lost 8 pounds, but believe me when I say, this is no way to lose weight!

Hopefully the Dr. will have something in his bag of tricks that we can try the last two rounds.  I did go in finally and get  2 liters of saline infused into my body with anti-nausea drugs that helped get me hydrated again and stop the worst of the nausea. After and during the nausea, the digestive issues are unrelenting as well.  Without going into too much detail, let just say that wet wipes are my new best friend.  My fatigue is worse with each round.  My skin rashes are spreading and now both of my eyes are twitching constantly.  My nose drips and I have a cough, even though I don't have a cold.  All chemo side effects.  All of this usually lasts a good 10-14 days and then the symptoms gradually subside until it is time to do it all over again!

Thank goodness I have my horizon goals and my family to pick me up and put me back on my feet. I appreciated my good friend Colleen going with me (along with Rick) this time and bring us dinner (again) the day of the treatment.  I can only hope and pray that the havoc that I see being unleashed in my good cells is also completely taking out the bad stuff in the process.  That is the goal, right?

I've been following the blogs of several women who have gone through/are going through breast cancer as well.  All three of them are younger than I am (in their 40s) and they have children still at home.  I can't imagine having to take care of children or worry about who will take care of them and still go through this.  Luckily I don't have that concern, but I marvel and admire those who do.
Check out these blogs to read/see more about other women and their experiences going through surgery/chemo/radiation. It has been helpful to me to read about their experiences (especially with chemo) and to know that my experience is pretty similar.  Like all blogs, their stories end at the start or the most recent post, so if you want to read more, start at the beginning which is the end of the blog.

One is written by a good Baptist woman named Summer Miller who is friends with Kellie Pickler.  They shaved their heads together.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/summermiller/journal

Another is Mary Nickles who is a Channel 2 news woman in Utah.

http://maryscancerstory.blogspot.com/


And the last is an LDS woman named DeLayne who lives in my community and who is the mother of six children.

http://delaynedayton.blogspot.com/