Before you become somebody

First, become somebody who can support herself.
Second, before becoming somebody’s wife, be careful about who that somebody is.
Third, before becoming somebody’s mother, become somebody capable of being a good mother.
Fourth, before becoming somebody’s wife or somebody’s mother, become somebody who can make her own life richer.
Fifth, before becoming somebody’s wife and somebody’s mother, become somebody who is spiritually strong.
Sixth, a message especially for young men: Become somebody who encourages young women to reach their full intellectual and spiritual potential.
Finally, become somebody who understands that being a woman is worth celebrating.

This talk was given 27 March 1990 at a Ricks College devotional held during Women’s Week by Marie Hafen. I think it should be REQUIRED reading of all young women, their leaders and their parents.
It's a topic of discussion that comes up regularly in our office. Do women really need an education or should they just plan to raise a family and be a wife and mother and not worry about getting some training or in pursuing a career? Seriously? Why is this still being discussed in 2010? Letters to the editor in the campus newspaper usually have a hot exchange on this topic at least once a month.
Do guys like smart women? Are they intimidated by smart women? Should they have to compete against them for grades and available jobs?
Shouldn't women prioritize their lives and put home and family first and then a career second? Should pursuing a career ever come first? Do women have to make a choice, but men don't?
Should women delay having children to get their own education or to work while their husbands are in school?
Should women stop their education when get married?
Who will pay for the student loans of women when they aren't working anymore and start having babies?
And on and on it goes...


Here is an except from one of the many talks given by President Hinckley:

“It is so important that you young men and you young women get all of the education that you can. The Lord has said very plainly that His people are to gain knowledge of countries and kingdoms and of things of the world through the process of education, even by study and by faith. Education is the key which will unlock the door of opportunity for you. It is worth sacrificing for. It is worth working at, and if you educate your mind and your hands, you will be able to make a great contribution to the society of which you are a part, and you will be able to reflect honorably on the Church of which you are a member. My dear young brothers and sisters, take advantage of every educational opportunity that you can possibly afford, and you fathers and mothers, encourage your sons and daughters to gain an education which will bless their lives” (meeting, Hermosillo, Mexico, 9 Mar. 1998).

Haven't we progressed enough in the last 20 years since Marie Hafen gave her talk that we now know that women need to be prepared in BOTH arenas with preparation for a career and preparation to start a family and build a home? It's BOTH. It's possible to do both with some planning, hard work, prioritizing, training and goal setting if a woman wants to or needs to. It's important to have options and a good education will provide those options. In this day and age, I'm a firm believer that we have to better prepare our daughters for their futures. It's heartbreaking to see women struggling through life, working minimum wage jobs because they have poor training or no training at all, often with children and sometimes with a husband in tow. Preparation for the unknown future seems to be the key to me. Prepare and then prepare some more. Get all the education you can. I'm not advocating that all women work. I'm just saying that they should be prepared with options to work fewer hours for more money with the proper education if they so choose.

From the article:
Young women should prepare for a career, but not because a career is more important than family life. A career isn’t even as important as family life. Although Church leaders have counseled mothers of young children to avoid working outside the home whenever possible, they have also urged young women to seek education and prepare for careers and meaningful involvement in society.

Career-oriented education matters for several reasons. For example, at any given time, from 35 to 40 percent of the adult women in the Church are single, whether widowed, divorced, or not having married. Only 3 percent of Latter-day Saint women never marry. (See Twila Van Leer, “Singleness Becoming More Common,” Church News, 6 November 1983, p. 4.) In addition, more than 90 percent of both married and single women must work sometime during their adult lives. An LDS woman is now likely to work more than twenty-five years, and six out of ten working LDS women are supporting not only themselves but others in their families.

What these statistics boil down to is that young women who believe they will always have a husband who will fully support them, thereby making it unnecessary for them to work outside the home, are living in a dream world. Husbands may die, or they may be disabled by accidents or illness. Children grow up, missionaries need financial support, and most mothers live healthy, vigorous lives for many years after their children leave home. Single-adult women cannot expect the Lord to rescue them from life’s natural adversity. The gospel has been given to heal our pain, not to prevent it. The Lord does give us strength to deal with a world that can sometimes be dreary, but often that help comes only as we do all we can do.