As I have loved you

Is it fair to say that everyone has been hurt, betrayed, offended, rejected, belittled, forgotten, glossed over, ridiculed, marginalized, made fun of, attacked, put down, not valued, etc. etc. etc.

We’re human after all, right? All relationships have ups and downs. We hurt one another. Sometimes unintentionally, sometimes intentionally. We’re imperfect people and we generally fall into the imperfect people traps of making comparisons, being jealous, coveting, gossiping or criticizing trying to make ourselves feel better, bigger, cooler, smarter, more beautiful, richer, in better shape physically or in better shape spiritually.

We want to be validated and recognized for our strengths and to have our weakness overlooked. We want to stand out from a crowd for the good in us and have others overlook the bad in us. And yet, sometimes we often see only the bad in people, or their weird behaviors, or the less than perfect lives they lead. We don’t give what we except to get from other people.

Have you ever withheld affection? Have you ever not given a compliment or encouragement because you didn’t think the person deserved it? Have you ever hurt someone and then done nothing to make it better, thinking that they deserved what they got? Do you forgive those who trespass against you? How do you do it? Do you hold a grudge? Do you harbor resentment? How do you let go of the hurt and the pain?

As you age and get more experience, are you getting better at treating people with more kindness and respect and in forgiving their shortcomings? Do you see progress year to year in yourself? Do you really do unto others as you would have them do unto you?

Here are some other things I’ve been thinking about…

Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation.

Cruel words can leave wounds that no amount of apology can fully erase.

If you forgive, can you trust the person again?

If you forgive, can you ever truly forget?

What does forgiveness really mean?

Forgiveness has everything to do with me and very little to do with the offender.

If you let go of the hurt, is that enough?

Are there times when the damage can never be fully repaired?

Can your heart ever feel that same toward the person again?

How do you rebuild trust when it’s been shattered?

Does forgiveness have many levels? If so, is closure one of them?

Will an admission of guilt on the part of the other person heal the pain of a betrayal?

Will an apology change the relationship? Can it ever be what it once was?

Can you tell the difference between a sincere apology and a self-serving one?

What constitutes a proper apology?

Is it OK to steer clear of an offender? If you do, does that mean that you haven’t forgiven them?

Why do we sometimes hurt the ones we love the most?

Why is it so hard to truly love another, especially the ones who are hard to love?