4th of July BBQ

It all started in Rupert, Idaho. Each year my parents would invite some of our Utah cousins to come to Rupert to celebrate the 4th of July. Some years they would invite my dad's side of the family and other years it would be my mom's side of the family. They would plan a full day of activities. The aunts and uncles would arrive with their cars loaded with desserts and punksters. We'd have a big breakfast on the patio and then head to town for the annual 4th of July parade. It was complete with lots of horses and old cars, along with a couple of marching bands, floats and a few drill teams that our dad affectionately called the "golden butts." After the parade, we'd head home for the BBQ on the patio and then we'd play games all day long. Volleyball, badminton, horse shoes, croquette. One year dad borrowed a little Shetland pony from the neighbors for us to ride. It took off with cousin Scott on it's back and I can still hear the cries of "help me Uncle Earl" as the pony ran off down the lane. If we were really lucky, dad would have his weekly turn of irrigation water from the Snake River. If we had our turn, then the ditches would be full of irrigation water for us to swim in and it would flood out on the lawn and we would play our games in several inches of water. Good, good times were had at these family gatherings.
After eating ourselves sick and then playing all day, we'd usually head into town to attend the carnival that would come to town for the big celebration. My favorite rides were the til-ta-whirl and the Farris wheel. We'd eat a bunch of cotton candy and snow cones and be completely sick by the end of the night. We'd head home for some fireworks and sparklers on the lawn before heading to bed. Sometimes all the cousins would sleep outside on the old army cots either in or outside of our old canvas tent and get about 25 mosquito bites during the course of the night. If we were really lucky, we'd also attend the county rodeo during the weekend celebrations. It was a good-ole-fashion-country-Idaho-good-time. I'd like to go back some year and participate again for old times sake. If only I could get my family to go along...I'm afraid they are too tied to our own 4th of July ways.







We carried on the 4th of July tradition with our own little family years later. We had a few little kids and a small wading pool. We invited our family members to come and over the years the most faithful attenders have been Rick's brother Doug, his sister Margie, my sister Carol and their families, along with Rick's parents.
We'd start the day out right by attending the Provo Grand Parade. Then we'd head home and have a BBQ on the patio, followed by games, a watermelon bust and water activities. Since we didn't have access to a large swimming pool, we would use the little wading pool and a slip-and -slide for some great activities. We started the tradition of the "head dunking" in which everyone including the adults participated. We would enjoy sparklers at night and we would just enjoy hanging out, eating great food and playing with each other all day long. There was nothing better!
Seventeen years ago we moved into our current house where we have a swimming pool and a large park just out of the backyard gate. The traditions still include the parade, the BBQ, swimming and sparklers, but now the group has grown substantially. Rick's parents, his brother Doug, sisters Ann and Margie still attend. Carol and her family have been great supporters over the years as well. We've invited other friends to attend over the years and many of them ask to come back again and again. This year we had a group of around 70 and it was a lot of fun. Our college friend David C. and his family came this year. We loved having them with us for the day of activities. Everyone brings food to share and they bring their own meat to grill. Somehow it all works out and we enjoy ourselves to the max.
Here was the food assignment list for this year:
4 dozen hamburger buns
2 dozen hot dog buns
condiments - mayo, mustard, ketchup, pickles, onion, cheese, lettuce, etc.
chips
pasta salad
veggie platter and dip
2 large watermelons
some cookies and or brownies to go with the ice cream
potato salad
green salad
baked beans
jello salad
fruit platter
homemade ice cream x 2
briquettes
paper products
homemade root beer
Needless to say, we didn't go hungry.

We love to celebrate the birthday of the United States of America, the greatest land there is where we enjoy freedom and democracy. It's not a perfect country and we have our problems, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. It is the land I love.

Stadium of Fire 2011

Once again, it was a great show. Rick and I went this year with Carol, Madi and Taylor, along with Jordan and Jake, Claire & R, and Andy. We really missed Dave and Courtney. I think this is the 20th or so time we've attended. It just wouldn't be the 4th of July without going to Stadium of Fire. I'm always moved to tears by one or more things in the patriotic program. Even though we're not big country music fans, we really enjoyed the show put on my Brad Paisley. Brad can play the guitar like no other. He was a great entertainer. David Archuleta was his usual sweet self and I enjoyed hearing him sing. Loved the flyover, the parachutes, the dancers, the chorus, the amazing fireworks (probably the best we've ever seen) and I LOVE the USA!

There was one mishap however...yikes!

6~16~1979

Who is that blond haired young man and that girl with the permed bouffant hair style?
I love looking at this pictures with our families, our grandmothers, our siblings and other family and friends who could share the day with us.
We honeymooned in Denver, Boulder, and Colorado Springs, Colorado. We stayed a night in two five start hotels, the Brown Palace in downtown Denver and the Broadmoor resort in Colorado Springs.


We've been at it 32 years now. That's kind of incredible to me because it seems like a long time in some ways and such a short time in other ways. It's been a wonderful journey and I hope we have an unlimited number to go. To infinity and beyond, as the saying goes. We went to the temple tonight to do temple sealings of husbands to wives and children to parents for those who have passed on. Once again we were reminded of the power and blessings of the sealing covenant that make our marriage endure beyond the grave.
The best gifts my husband has given me are his devotion, his faithfulness, his trust, his love, his loyalty, his hard work and his great sense of humor. Not to mention that I also got 4 amazing children out of the deal. All in all, it has been a great ride!
I love you dear blue-eyed, less-hair, tall, handsome man.

Parenting adult children

Another class at BYU women's conference I enjoyed and learned from was taught by a woman in our area that I greatly admire named Lloya. She is the mother of 10 or 11 children and she is a fabulous woman in every way. I've known her for years and I always learn from her. She is a great thinker and writer and her thought blog is evidence of this (along with her main blog.)
Her topic was on how to effectively parent adult children. She should know, she has a slug of them and they are wonderful people.
Here are some notes I took from her talk:

• put yourself in the position of your adult child. How would you want your parents to handle any given situation? Put the shoe on the other foot. Remember, remember, remember when you were that age.
• encourage your children to use their agency and to rely on personal revelation to find answers to their questions and problems.
• discuss and council, listen carefully to what they are saying, talk about the pros and the cons of different situations, guide them to the Lord to make decisions, Jacob 1:17, but don't tell them what to do!
  
• exercise faith in them and remember that Heavenly Father knows them best and that He will assist them as they turn to Him for help
• in-law children may cause anxiety. Remember that it takes about a year for a young married couple to adjust and find their way in doing things. Let the new family unit function on its own.
• don't monopolize your children and their spouse. Let their in-law family have their fair share of time with them. Don't think or ever say that your traditions are cooler or better than another family. The traditions and ways of doing things of one family are never superior to another family. They are just their traditions and ways. There is no perfect way. Period.
  
• treat your in-law children better than you treat your own children. It will come back to you in ways you can't even imagine. Strive to truly love your in-law children. Appreciate their different styles, talents and gifts and encourage them as your would your own.
  
• set expectations in jello, not stone on attending family events. Let the couple decide. Don't keep tract and don't keep a tally, even mentally. Free your mind and heart for more meaningful things.
• encourage generosity of feeling towards the spouses family. Be an example and don't speak ill of them. Ever.
• don't take sides in a disagreement between your child and their spouse. Offer a sympathetic ear and heart, but don't get in the middle.
• they help us, we help them. Give and take in extended families. Everyone contributes. Share meals and make sure everyone has an assignment. Take turns in family functions and give everyone a chance to host.
• don't give them too much by way of material things, even if you are able. It's against the principles of self reliance. They need to learn the lessons that come with figuring things out. Don't save them unless they really need help, and then ASK them if they want help.
• stay strong and hold to Heavenly Father's plan. Keep our faith in the plan. Be of good cheer.
• adult children have adult problems. Assist, encourage and cheer them on, but don't try and solve their problems or take them away. Remember the importance of parenting vs. overprotecting our adult children.
• reciprocity is based more on mutual acts of service and caring. For example, as adult children have conversations with their parents, they can express interest, ask questions, listen empathetically, and offer encouragement, praise, and support. As adult children nurture friendships with their parents, there comes an emotional reciprocity in the relationship that is largely independent of financial reciprocity.

Lloya referenced this article by Dr. Rick Miller (who I know well, btw.) It's a great article to review even if your married children aren't so newly-wed anymore. It contains great advice.

For Newlyweds and Their Parent, by Richard B. Miller,Professor of Family Life, Brigham Young University

"When children marry, a fundamental shift should occur in their relationship with their parents.
Relationships between adult children and parents don’t really change until there is reciprocity in the relationship. Relationships develop an equal footing when both people give to each other, but when only one party gives and the other takes, an unequal relationship develops. An adult-to-adult relationship can be established only upon the principle of reciprocity."

Strenghs can become weaknesses

A month ago, I went to a BYU Women's conference talk given by my cousin Rebecca. She drew her comments heavily from this talk given by Elder Oaks in 1992. “Preventing Strengths from Becoming Our Downfall.” It's a very powerful and interesting talk.
Rebecca did such a great job sharing her own experiences and examples of how to avoid the pitfalls of letting our strengths become our weakness. I've been thinking about it ever since.

Elder Oaks suggests 17 areas in his talk where we might be tempted to let a strength become a weakness:

• Misapplication of Love and Tolerance

• Not Really Following the Prophet

• Materialistic Self-Reliance

• All-Consuming Patriotism

• Inordinate Church Service

• Distorted Faith

• Accomplishment and Pride

• Excesses in Giving

• Neglect or Distortion of Family Duties

• Popular Teachers and the Potential of Priestcraft

• An Intense Focus on Goals

• Social Consciousness Not Tempered by Other Values

• A Desire to Sacrifice More Than Is Needful

• Honors That Sometimes Turn to Our Detriment

• A Desire to Be Led in All Things

• Misapplication of Spiritual Gifts

• Gospel Hobbies

Cousin Rebecca talked specifically about two...not letting love and tolerance produce indifference to truth and justice and not letting a desire to serve excessively overshadow more important responsibilities.

She used the example of how we as mothers love our children. Sometimes our love for them can overshadow our responsibility to teach them, guide them, and to actually parent them as they learn and grow. It is possible to love your children too much? Yes, it is possible if we aren't parenting them, teaching them, guiding them and sometimes saying "no" even if it makes them unhappy. If you are a popular parent who rarely says no, or who doesn't set limits and rules, you aren't doing your children any favors. You're letting your love for them get in the way of what is best for them. You're letting the strength of your love weaken your children if you are unbalanced. They need a parent, not a best friend. We need to find balance between love and guidance and discipline. Granted, it is possible to do both, but sometimes we let our desire to be "liked" by them and to not get into conflicts with them cloud our judgement about what is best for them. If they are always getting their way, something is wrong. Sometimes the children are in charge of the parents. We have to ask ourselves when we're faced with a tough choice that may cause conflict if we say NO - what is right? or is it easiest to just give in? Sometimes we give up and do what is easiest, but it may not be what is BEST for our children.

Rebecca suggested that we pray and ask for help in knowing if some of our strengths are making us weaker and becoming a distraction. She also references this talk given by Elder Oaks on 10/3/2009. It shares a very important message and helped me understand more clearly the importance of love and law.