I got the idea that Rick and I should walk the entire Provo river trail last fall. We had walked part of it before, but I thought it would be a good accomplishment to walk the entire 30 mile trail. We did it in segments and figured out a way to park the car and then walk from the car a few miles and then walk back to it. The next time we would start from where we left off and walk another segment. That way we walked the entire 30 miles over the course of several outings as our time permitted.
Not only was the scenery beautiful, but it was a great opportunity to be with Rick and turn off all electronics and just talk. We discovered parts of Provo that we had never seen before. The trail is open to bikers, runners and walkers. I would like to walk it again in the fall and bike it from the top to the bottom which is either slightly downhill or straight terrain from Vivian park to the lake. I would highly recommend it for a family outing or as a couple. I don't know that I would do it alone since there are some heavily wooded areas that would make me feel unsafe if predators (human or otherwise) were around. We arrived at Utah Lake Stake Park last night and finished out little walking goal. Hooray for us and hooray for the beauties of nature!
At the marina
There were sail boats, motor boats and jet skies (although the water level is low and the water looks so cloudy, too bad Utah Lake isn't more like Bear Lake)
Wind blowing at the point!
The canyon to the right of Mt. Timp is where we started our journey
We were rewarded with this beautiful view of the lake just before sunset.
Going through grief after a loved one passes away is such an difficult, individual process. As Rick and I have grieved following Jake's death, we have been hit by waves of sorrow at unexpected times and at unexpected places. We are reminded daily that Jake is no longer in Arizona with his little family and tears will well up and our hearts will be sad. We strive to comfort one another and do our best to comfort our daughter and our grandchildren in these hard days, weeks, months and years that lay ahead. The reality that he is "gone" and we can't see him anymore is a hard reality to accept. Even our understanding of where his spirit has gone and the fact that we will see him again sometime, at difficult moments, doesn't assuage our grief like we would want it to. We miss him and he know that he absence has left a gaping hole in the lives of so many people who love him, especially Jordan and his children.
A few weeks ago there was an article in the newspaper about a book called "Lament for a Son" by Nicholas Wolterstorff, a Christian philosopher. I ordered the book and read it immediately. As I read this book, I found that I have felt many of the same emotions that he felt when his son died in a climbing accident. He offers precious insight into loss and grief.
He says: I cannot fit it together. I can only, with Job, endure...I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and resurrecter of Jesus Christ. I also believe that my son's life was cut off in his prime. I cannot fit the pieces together...to the most agonized question I have ever asked I do not know the answer. I do not know why God would watch him fall. I do not know why God would watch me wounded. I cannot even guess.
Not even the best of words can take away the pain...Please, don't say that it's not really so bad. Because it is. Death is awful, demonic. If you think your task as comforter is to tell me that really, all things considered, its not so bad, you do not sit with me in grief but place yourself off in the distance away from me. Over there, you are of no help. What I need to hear from you is that you recognize how painful it is. I need to hear from you that you are with me in my desperation. To comfort me, you have to come close. Come sit by me on my mourning bench.
We took him too much for granted. Perhaps we all take each other too much for granted. The routines of life distract us, our own pursuits make us oblivious; our anxieties and sorrows, unmindful. The beauties of the familiar go unremarked. We do not treasure each other enough.
It is the neverness that is so painful. Never again to be here with us, never to sit with us at table, never to travel with us, never to laugh with us, never to cry with us, never to embrace us as he leaves for school, never to see his brothers and sisters marry. All the rest of our lives we must live without him. Only our death can stop the pain of his death.
Nevertheless, Wolterstorff deems his sorrow precious:
Grief is existential testimony to the worth of the one loved. That worth abides. So I own my grief. I do not try to put it behind me, to get over it, to forget it. God is appalled by death. My pain over my son's death is shared by his pain over my son's death. And yes, I share in his pain over his son's death. God is not only the God of the sufferers but the God who suffers. Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus because he loved him.
Faith is a footbridge you don't know will hold you up over the chasm until you're forced to walk out onto it. I will look at the world through tears. Perhaps I shall see things that dry-eyed I could not see.
In the valley of suffering, despair and bitterness are brewed. But there also character is made. The valley of suffering is the vale of soul-making.
Last Sunday in Sunday School I was asked to substitute teach the gospel doctrine class. The chapters we were studying were Mosiah 18-24. In these chapters, Alma is converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ and he teaches and baptizes people who are willing to follow God. We talked about the baptismal covenant we make when we are baptized to:
1. Bear one another's burdens that they might be light
2. Mourn with those that mourn
3. Comfort those who stand in need of comfort
4. Stand as a witness of God at all time and in all places
5. Serve God and keep his commandments
If we do those things then God promises to:
1. Redeem us
2. Include us in the first resurrection
3. Grant us eternal life
4. Pour out his spirit upon us
That seems like a pretty good contract and I know that God always keeps his end of the bargain.
We spent some time talking about what it means to actually help to bear one another's burdens and mourn with and comfort them. Since we have just recently gone through the experience of being the recipients of much comfort and help from people, I shared some examples of what this might look like.
When Jake was diagnosed with cancer, their family was immediately the recipients of much comfort and help. Sometimes it is awkward to know what to say and what not to say to someone going through a major trial. Jordan found this wonderful article that gave some great advice about that every topic. It is entitled "How not to say the wrong thing" and was published in the LA Times in 2013 and written by some clinicians named Susan Silk and Barry Goldman.
Here are some of the highlights:
The goal is to help people going through any sort of trauma, not add to their burden.
Listening is more helpful than talking. If you open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn't, don't say it.
Don't give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice, they need comfort and support. Say "I'm sorry, this must be really hard for you."
Don't say, "You should hear what happened to me" or "here's what I would do if I were you."
Comfort IN, dump OUT.
Complain to someone in a larger circle than yours. Be supportive of the principle caregiver. It is the best thing you can do for the patient.
We are so grateful to the hundreds of people who came to the aid of Jake and Jordan and their little family and helped to bear their trial, mourn with them and comfort them. Rick and I have also been the recipients of many kindnesses and support and we appreciate so much those who have come to our aid. The Savior truly sent others to help and support us and they were His hands.
I also referenced this wonderful talk by President Henry B. Erying. Many of the scriptures that we talked about in this lesson are included in his talk. Take 17 minutes to listen to it. You won't be disappointed. He gives great insights to better understand how The Comforter helps those in need.
Finally, this great quote encapsulates these powerful teachings:
Elder Richard G. Scott
"Problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness...
The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you.
We have two universities in our county. Between the two, they enroll approximately 60,000 full-time university students in our community. We also have trade schools, night schools, for-profit colleges and online colleges. This area is full of college age students who add a lot to our community as they pursue their educational goals. The vast majority of them also work part-time or full-time to support themselves. Many more would attend college if only they had the funds to pay for tuition. Some simply don't see the benefit in pursuing a higher education, gaining a trade or some sort of training after high school to support themselves and better their lives. Some women in our culture don't think they will need any further education after high school. They do! We're trying to change that culture.
Here is a great list of some of the ways an education benefits a woman. The potential outcomes for an educated woman are amazing! Take a look at the list and see what research has shown as benefits for an educated woman. Who wouldn't want these outcomes for themselves and for their daughters, sisters, friends, cousins and nieces? I want these outcomes for my four daughters and my five grand daughters and all those women I love because I know that their lives will be so much better if they prepare themselves and then have options when life gives them challenges they didn't anticipate. I'm grateful that my daughters are all educated because that training has made and will make all the difference in their lives.
I've been involved at the Women's Success Center at Utah Valley University for about three years now. Our purpose is to help young women realize the importance of a college education and to help them get admitted, stay in school and graduate. UVU provides young women with many options in their educational pursuits, including trades, certifications, and a four year college degree. UVU fits a niche in our community and 80% of the student body who attend there come from Utah.
The other university in town is BYU. As a private university, Brigham Young University fits a certain profile of students, many of whom come from out of state. Admission standards are tough. ACT scores and high school GPAs on constantly on the rise and many good students can't get in. Here is the fact sheet from their web site.
Freshman Profile
Applicants
11,603
Admitted rate
49%
New freshmen
4,427
Average ACT
28.3
Average high school GPA
3.8
Many LDS students who want to attend college in Utah find that UVU is a great choice too. Under the direction of President Matt Holland over the last seven years, much growth and change has occurred. Many young women get admitted to UVU (since enrollment is open), but they don't stay because they don't have the money to stay in school and graduate. We as a WSC board have been working to help provide scholarships to women who qualify so that they can stay in school and graduate. I invited my cousin Janis to join the board at the WSC. Janis has been a force for good as she has taken a major role as the chair of the scholarship committee in raising money for women to stay in school. We recently held a luncheon where successful and accomplished women from the community were invited and asked to participate in raising scholarship money. It was a great success! Janis did a wonderful job in hosting the luncheon and making the case for the need to raise scholarship funds. With the help of our host doTerra, over $250,000 was raised at this luncheon for scholarships!
Our local newspaper, the Daily Herald, published an article about the luncheon which included the pictures shows below.
Janis did a great job conducting, making the case for the need
we have in our community and contributing to this worthy cause.
Barbara Barrington Jones is a generous philanthropic
community member who has done much good in
our community, and provided funding for the
Wee Care Center at UVU where women can leave
their children in day care while they are in class.
President Holland's wife Paige is a
great supporter of this cause as well and has helped in
many ways to further the cause of education.
Janis explaining the goal we wanted to reach that day at the luncheon.
Elaine Dalton also spoke and showed her
enthusiasm when the funds started rolling in.
I'm passionate about helping to get the message out that women NEED some sort of training, education or skill in order to be better women, mothers, parents, community members and to work outside of their homes if they need to or choose to. Preparation is key and no effort is ever wasted on pursuing an education.
I'm so grateful to my four sisters who took the time from their busy lives to come and visit me and Rick and offer their love and support after Jake passed away. They came on a Friday night and we enjoyed a salmon dinner and a sleep over at my home. We talked and talked for hours and finally headed to bed. The next day we planned to take a lovely walk along the river trail, but it was pouring rain and so we ventured out but didn't last long. They will probably kill me for posting this hilarious picture, but hey, it shows smiles all around and the fact that we had a good time, no matter the weather. We had lunch at a Thai restaurant and did some shopping. We went and saw Jordan and her family's new home. I introduced some of them to the wonders of the George Foreman grill and we bee-lined it to Target to pick some up for their grilling enjoyment. They gave us this beautiful planter and HUGE geranium that Jan brought with her from Idaho. It will be a constant reminder of their weekend visit and of their love. Sisters are the best and I'm so thankful for my four. They are wonderful women and I love them.
Rick routinely has training meetings or conferences out of town. Now that I am retired, I get to tag along and enjoy all the various locations to which he travels. We had a lovely, relaxing visit to the Homestead resort. While he is in meetings, I get to do my own thing and take along a project or two to work on. It was lovely weather and so relaxing to visit the Homestead.
Rick takes such good care of our lawn. He has also mowed the lawn of a single sister in our ward for nearly 20 years. Mowing after a rain storm turned his legs green and hairy with grass. Couldn't resist taking this funny picture. Rain or shine, he gets his yard work done!
I love flowers. I love how cheery they are and I love to have as many as I can get around my home. I enjoy gardening and sprucing things up. Rick has been giving me flower baskets for Mother's day for the last several years and I love them. We spend a Saturday in our yard in early spring getting it ready for summer, planting, weeding and cleaning it up. I always love the end result, although we are exhausted by the end of the day.
This spring we pulled out two ever green trees that were overgrown and ugly. In the place of one, we planted a salsa garden complete with onions, tomatoes, peppers, cilantro, basil and dill. Can't wait for it to mature so that we can pick vine ripe tomatoes and such.
This brown spot shows where the other tree was located. With the help of some neighbors who knew what they were doing, they helped us cut it down and pull out the roots. We planted new grass seed and hopefully it will fill in and look good in a few months.
This is my view as I take my daily walk. I live in such a beautiful place and I'm grateful for the beauties of this world. Beauty makes me happy and content and I'm so thankful for God's creations.
