Mourning with and comforting those who stand in need

Last Sunday in Sunday School I was asked to substitute teach the gospel doctrine class. The chapters we were studying were Mosiah 18-24.  In these chapters, Alma is converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ and he teaches and baptizes people who are willing to follow God.  We talked about the baptismal covenant we make when we are baptized to:

1.  Bear one another's burdens that they might be light
2.  Mourn with those that mourn
3.  Comfort those who stand in need of comfort
4.  Stand as a witness of God at all time and in all places
5.  Serve God and keep his commandments

If we do those things then God promises to:
1. Redeem us
2. Include us in the first resurrection
3. Grant us eternal life
4. Pour out his spirit upon us

That seems like a pretty good contract and I know that God always keeps his end of the bargain.

We spent some time talking about what it means to actually help to bear one another's burdens and mourn with and comfort them.  Since we have just recently gone through the experience of being the recipients of much comfort and help from people, I shared some examples of what this might look like.  

When Jake was diagnosed with cancer, their family was immediately the recipients of much comfort and help.  Sometimes it is awkward to know what to say and what not to say to someone going through a major trial.  Jordan found this wonderful article that gave some great advice about that every topic.  It is entitled "How not to say the wrong thing" and was published in the LA Times in 2013 and written by some clinicians named Susan Silk and Barry Goldman.  

Here are some of the highlights:

The goal is to help people going through any sort of trauma, not add to their burden.

Listening is more helpful than talking.  If you open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support.  If it isn't, don't say it.

Don't give advice.  People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice, they need comfort and support.  Say "I'm sorry, this must be really hard for you."  

Don't say, "You should hear what happened to me" or "here's what I would do if I were you."

Comfort IN, dump OUT.

Complain to someone in a larger circle than yours.  Be supportive of the principle caregiver.  It is the best thing you can do for the patient.

We are so grateful to the hundreds of people who came to the aid of Jake and Jordan and their little family and helped to bear their trial, mourn with them and comfort them.  Rick and I have also been the recipients of many kindnesses and support and we appreciate so much those who have come to our aid. The Savior truly sent others to help and support us and they were His hands.

I also referenced this wonderful talk by President Henry B. Erying.  Many of the scriptures that we talked about in this lesson are included in his talk.  Take 17 minutes to listen to it.  You won't be disappointed.  He gives great insights to better understand how The Comforter helps those in need.

Finally, this great quote encapsulates these powerful teachings:

Elder Richard G. Scott

"Problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine.  Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth.  Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems.  They are drowned by them.  Be a cork.  When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness...

The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development.  That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not.  When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience.  If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you.  

Ensign, May 1996.