Massage

Rick gave me a massage for Valentines Day to my favorite place - Remedez at University Mall. After finishing all my house cleaning, I finally made an appointment and went in for a great massage this morning. I love the spa and the service they give there. You would never know you were inside University Mall. I think their spa is very classy and they pay attention to service and details. Of the four or five massages I've had there, each one was done by a very good masseuse. Check out this article on the success they are having in the area. They also give a great pedicure with wonderful products. It is co-owned by a friend who serves with me on the SCERA board - Cynthia Gambill. She is Argentine and is a daughter of Angel Abrea who was a former member of the quorum of the 70. She runs a great salon/spa. I can't wait to go again. I would never tire of receiving gift certificates to go to this place. Wink. Wink.

the ongoing storm

Check out this article in Time magazine entitled "The Storm Over the Mormons." It's an interesting look into the fall out from Prop 8 in California from their perspective. It raises some interesting and thought provoking questions and even quotes Rick's cousin. I doubt that all their supposed facts about numbers and amounts are correct, but it makes for a better story the way it is written. Nevertheless, it's fairly well balanced.

This quote from the article expresses some of my views quite well: "As civilization keeps moving from standards we think God wants people to hold, it's inevitable that we expect persecution."

I would add to that that "when civilization keeps moving from standards that I BELIEVE God wants people to hold, it's inevitable that we (all people who support marriage between one man and one woman) expect persecution," but I for one am determined to help hold the line according to my own beliefs, come what may (even if Tom Hanks thinks I'm unAmerican for doing so - and no, I didn't go see his latest movie.) I don't believe that God will change his mind about gay marriage and the eternal nature of the family based on thousands of years of human experience. And anyone who says that we feel this way only "because the prophet made me do it," and "I'm showing my faith by voting against what I know in my heart," does not speak for me and for millions similarly situated. I know in my heart that gay marriage is wrong.

Dave's friends

"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art."

Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.

"Have no friends not equal to yourself."

Confucious (551 - 497 BC) Chinese philosopher.

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends." Jacques Delille (1738 - 1813) French poet.

"A Friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature."
"Keep your friendships in repair"

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair."

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."

- Samuel Johnston

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company."

"True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."

- George Washington

"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us." - Epicurus (341 - 270 BC) Greek philosopher.
"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."

- Euripides, Greek playwrite

I thought these quotes on friendship were so good and many of them spot on especially as they apply to the friends of our son Dave.

Last Saturday Dave invited his friends over to our house for a BBQ. He met all but one of these guys his freshman year living in the Deseret Tower dorms. They are such wonderful young men! They have roomed together all through their BYU experience until they got married. We have enjoyed getting to know them over the years and we have had them over for Sunday dinner many times. That's been one of the great opportunities we've had living in the same city where our kids have gone to college - we've been able to get to know all their wonderful friends. Now they are finishing school and going on with life. One is headed to medical school, one to get his MAc and another to law school. One is getting his teaching certificate to teach Health and coach, one is studying exercise science and Dave will head to grad school in about a year. They are funny, sarcastic, sports fanatics, well grounded, motivated and good young men. Three are married so far to wonderful women and they are all returned missionaries. Danny, Garret, Bryan, Kyle, Erick and Dave we wish you all the best. Oh, and they play a mean game of volleyball. They had so much fun they've scheduled another time in August to meet again before everyone heads out.

Home atmosphere

Since I just spent considerable time talking about the physical aspects of a home, I didn't want to move on without talking about the intangible elements of making a home. What is it that turns a house into a home?

I believe that it's not just the four walls, the furniture and the cleanliness that make up a home. It's the people. It's what they do when they are in the home, how they spend their time, what they say, how they treat each other that shows what they value. Organization and cleanliness are important, but not at the expense of real human interaction in the environment. It doesn't have to be one or the other. I believe that a middle ground suits me best. Clean enough not to be chaotic, but not so clean that it stifles activity and interaction.

There are many homes that I've loved just "being in" through my life. These pictures show one of them. It's the home of my Grandma Mayme and Grandpa Ray. It is in a small Utah town and these pictures were taken the day of Grandma's funeral, February 17, 1994. I always loved visiting this home. The atmosphere was the important thing that mattered most to me. It wasn't perfectly decorated with all the latest fashions, it wasn't spotlessly clean (although it was well organized and clean), it wasn't a mansion house or a show place by any means. It was a comfortable, cozy, inviting, warm, friendly place to visit. I felt loved there. They always shared good food, good conversation and played games. Rook was a family favorite along with Parcheesi. Aunts and Uncles who lived near by came over to visit and we got to know extended generations of family members. The feeling there had nothing to do with color pallets, white glove clean inspections and coordinating fabric swatches. It had to do with feeling important, being noticed, being recognized, being loved and included in the conversation. True, the punksters had to eat the hard tack candy and weren't allowed to partake of the Dorothy Pollard chocolates until they had reached a more mature and distinguished age, but still, we felt important and loved in that home. More family meals were served to scores of people on folding tables with chairs in the small living room and kitchen than I suppose have been served in most homes I know of now. All were welcome and all were important. It was a feeling I'll never forget and a driving force behind my desire to welcome family and friends into my own home, no matter how clean or well decorated it is.

In the June issue of the Ensign is a copy of a talk that Elder Douglas L. Callister (my friend Marcy's former mission president) gave at a BYU devotional in 2006. It's powerful and worthy of further consideration and maybe even a FHE on the topic. He encourages us to strive to achieve a home, even a heavenly home, by considering the following ideas and by implementing the following practices of improving Language, Literature, Music, Art, Appearance and Attitude. Some excepts from the talk:

~The nearer we get to God, the more easily our spirits are touched by refined and beautiful things.

~Refinement in speech is reflected not only in our choice of words but also in the things we talk about. There are those who always speak of themselves; they are either insecure or proud. There are those who always speak of others; they are usually boring. There are those who speak of stirring ideas, compelling books, and inspiring doctrine; these are the few who make their mark in this world. The subjects discussed in heaven are not trifling or mundane; they are sublime beyond our most extended imagination. We will feel at home there if we are rehearsed on this earth in conversing about the refined and noble, clothing our expressions in well-measured words.

~I don’t know whether our heavenly home has a television set or a DVD player, but in my mind’s imagery it surely has a grand piano and a magnificent library. There was a fine library in the home of President Gordon B. Hinckley’s youth. It was not an ostentatious home, but the library contained about 1,000 volumes of the rich literature of the world, and President Hinckley spent his early years immersed in these books. To be well-read, however, it is not necessary to possess expensive collections of literature, for they are available to rich and poor alike in the libraries of the world.

~When some music has passed the tests of time and been cherished by the noble and refined, our failure to appreciate it is not a condemnation of grand music. The omission is within. If a young person grows up on a steady diet of hamburgers and french fries, he is not likely to become a gourmet. But the fault is not with fine food. He just grew up on something less. Some have grown up on a steady diet of musical french fries.

~Would this be true of the environment in which you live? Is it a house of order? Need you dust, clean, and rearrange before you invite the Spirit of the Lord into your home? President Lorenzo Snow (1814–1901) said: “The Lord does not intend that the Saints shall live always in dens and caves of the earth, but that they shall build fine houses. When the Lord comes he will not expect to meet a dirty people, but a people of refinement.”

~Your Father in Heaven has sent you away from His presence to have experiences you would not have had in your heavenly home—all in preparation for the conferral of a kingdom. He doesn’t want you to lose your vision. You are children of an exalted being. You are foreordained to preside as kings and queens. You will live in a home and environment of infinite refinement and beauty, as reflected in the language, literature, music, art, and order of heaven.

At LAST!! ~ Day 4

Yes, it's true, I declare the house deep down clean, including the garage. It's kind of a momentous event because it doesn't happen that often. True, I try and do it every spring, but the last three or four years since my own home grown assistants fled the coop, it's kind of been overwhelming and I never quite got to all of it. There were piles here and there and stuff stuffed into all the cracks. I figure it took a total of about 75 man hours to clean and dejunk a 3,000 square foot home. That would have taken me TWO WEEKS working 8 hours a day to finish the project by myself. Yikes! I think many women know that fact and therefore they can't bring themselves to begin, especially if they have it to do alone or to try and get help from their children and husband who usually spend more time complaining than working. I don't figure that it is my sole responsibility since I'm not the only one who lives here. I think all who benefit should help clean it up and I have had great help from my husband and children over the years. Hopefully it won't be that hard or time consuming next year.

Team Z you made me laugh so hard. Thanks for the funny comment. And you did make a great point. To every thing there is a season. I've been married for almost 30 years and FINALLY I get to live in a clean house that stays that way. It's pretty much impossible to keep it that way when you have little kids. If I had to pick, I'd take the cluttered house with the kids. Besides there is a big difference between a home that is deep down dirty from one that is cluttered or temporarily messy. You can smell the difference and see the difference. And thanks to everyone else for the encouragement and compliments. I do feel like we accomplished something good and I'm glad it's done.

But here's the problem...it won't stay that way for long.

We'll continue to do our "Saturday cleaning" which is more surface cleaning, but I'm not going to nurse maid the house every day.

And another thing.

In the few days that it's been spotless, I've instantly started being a "keep it clean Nazi" ordering my husband to take off his dirty shoes and sweep up the mess he just tracked in.

I don't like to be that way.

And then I also don't want visitors to mess it up.

If anyone steps in the door they are bound to mess it up.

But wait. I love to have visitors come over.

So here's the question - which takes priority? A pristine clean house that is off limits to most outsiders or a lived in look where all are welcome?

Keeping it clean takes vigilance. It takes CONSTANT upkeep.

I'm just not that into it. I'm gone for most of the day and I refuse to be a slave to my housekeeping.

Seriously, I'd rather be doing other things.

I'd rather throw my door open and welcome people in, whether it is perfectly clean or not

and not require that they take their shoes off. Family and friends are always welcome, 24/7, no advanced notice required.

I'd rather mess it up and have a good time with people and not worry about the fingerprints and footprints and the crumbs dropped all over the place. It's a home. It's meant to be lived in. I'm not in any competition for "clean house of the year." It isn't decorated with the latest fashions. Much of it has wallpaper that is completely out of vogue. As I went from room to room, the memories came rushing back. We've LIVED in this house for 14 years and each room holds those precious memories. It's almost overwhelming to me to clean the rooms of our kids and to think of each one of them and the daily routines we went through together in our HOME. If it gets mess up, it really doesn't matter. It can be cleaned up again and the beauty of the thing is this - it cleans up so much faster and easier if it is deep down clean and everything can be put back its place quickly. It's comfortable. It's inviting and it's clean. And I think there is a good feeling in our home as well. Maybe that's because of all the living that has gone there. I do love our home.