Passing the one year mark

April 23, 2016.

It is a day that will forever be engraved in our hearts and minds.  It's the day Jacob Clyde Robertson passed from this mortal existence into the next.  It's been a year of ups and downs for Jordan and their children having to experience holidays, birthdays and just life without him physically with them. That is to be expected.  I'm so proud of Jordan for how she has fought through this last year. There just aren't enough words to adequately express what it is like as a mother watching your daughter go through this excruciating experience over the last three plus years.  It's heartbreaking, but at the same time I've marveled in her strength and courage. I've never been more proud and strengthened at the same time as being overcome with grief. I think any mother hates to see her children suffer, regardless of the circumstances.

Going through a loss like this helps to really see what a person is made of when everything else is stripped away.  When just the raw emotion and core make up of a person remains.  Do they dissolved into the ashes or do they rise again?  Do they become consumed with grief (yes, at times) or do they fight back and hold on to their faith and their trust in God?  Do they become bitter or better?  Jordan has and is becoming better in every way possible.  We pray for her continued healing and for that of the children. We take great comfort in their temple covenants and the sealing power of the temple that transcends the grave.

I know there are worse things in life than Jake's death.  I've watched friends and family go through deep pain and suffering from other major challenges.  Their losses and pain are just as real and I wish them all the healing and comfort that can only come through the Savior's atonement.  Peace in knowing that everything is going to be alright.  Different.  Not the way we wanted.  But alright.

We mourn his loss as well.  Our pain can never come close to their pain, but we feel it and we suffer as well.  Rick and I miss him.  We miss his voice, his laugh, his wink, his good humor, his intelligence, his steadiness, his smile, his thoughts on things, his love for and involvement in BYU football, his goodness, his perspective, his presence in a room, his spiritual knowledge and confidence, what he adds to our family and well, we just miss him.  From head to toe, including heart, soul, personality and mind.  We were all better people by just being around him. That is really true, not some cliche.  He raised the bar in our family associations.
Sometimes I visit the cemetery where he is buried and I think of him.  I thank him.  I pray for him. Oh, how we miss this good man. Tears rolls down my cheeks as I see these pictures and remember the MANY good times we've shared together.