I'm a noticer and a ponderer. I can't help myself, it's hard wired into my brain. I'm observant and can recall details of what I've seen and heard quite easily. I've noticed that women who have figured out how to move from being a full-time mother to being a full-time individual are happier than those who don't. Let me explain. I'm friends with lots of different women in lots of different age groups, marital status and backgrounds at work, in our neighborhood, in groups of women, and in our extended family. I've noticed that those women who take time to cultivate a sense of self as an individual person, separate from their spouse and their children have more staying power, more happiness and more self-fulfillment than those who don't. We recently flew to Boston and once again heard the instructions from the flight attendants to "put your mask on first" in the event of an emergency. A women who "puts her mask on first" is better able to help those around her, but she insures her survival in the process.
However, it's a delicate balance. Some women go overboard and seem to put themselves first through the whole course of their lives and their time and attention (and money) goes primarily to themselves. Their self absorption takes control and they don't look around and see if anyone else needs help. This is a discussion for another day since I believe that these women are not the majority. Most women give the best they have to everyone else and keep very little for themselves. This becomes more of a problem for these women as they become older and they find that they haven't built their own lives sufficiently enough to sustain their own happiness. They tend to look to others to bring them happiness instead of preparing themselves to endure to the end happily and positively!
My thoughts these past few months have reinforced the idea that I have to continue to "put my mask on first." I've figured out that the way I can do this is to build my own life by doing what I love to do and finding what brings me joy. These include:
- exercising and moving/stretching my body
- eating healthy and keeping my weight in check
- getting enough sleep
- taking care of myself, my hygiene, my appearance, for me
- engaging in meaningful service, literally looking for a way to help someone every day
- working my mind through reading, attending lectures, cultural events
- listening to music
- lifting my spirit through my own individual religious behavior
- being part of groups of women through clubs, book clubs, lunches, individual friendships and interacting socially and emotionally
- enjoying my hobbies and learning some new ones, having friends share their interests
- taking the initiative to stay connected with my family through Facetime, emails, phone calls and doing it regularly, as well as making regular visits
- finding new ways to enjoy my time with my spouse and engaging in activities we both enjoy
