Horizon goals

August 24, 2012

When I was 30, I was diagnosed with a tumor that was removed by surgery. After getting over the initial shock of having been diagnosed with cancer, I knew that I had to find simple strategies that would lift my spirits in the short to intermediate term as I went through chemo and radiation treatments, and then serve as a bridge to long term happiness.

I decided to call these "horizon goals," because they were visible and tangible, and I could look forward to them on a daily or weekly basis. They also gave me strength to push forward. Sometimes it meant watching a film I liked after a day of nauseating radiation or chemo treatment. It could also mean planning to have someone special come by and visit.

In addition to my faith, I felt that I needed palpable goals that were meaningful. When we see progress, sometimes it alleviates the work that it takes to get there.

I pray that your treatments are going well. I felt like I wanted to share my experience because it provided me with gradual steps that boosted my morale as I made the journey to wellness.

My best,

Evan

One of the professors where I work sent me this email as I was starting my chemo treatments back in August.  I really liked the idea of setting “horizon goals” and working to accomplish some good as I go through my treatments or just doing something that I really enjoy that lifts my spirits.  I've found that it really helps to have some projects to work on, to have some places to go visit, to have some people over to visit and to just do things I enjoy doing.  It helps to keep my mind off how I feel and how I just want to curl up in the fetal position and not leave my house sometimes.   Here’s some of what I’ve come up with for my own “Horizon Goals.”

Chemo treatments on:

August 22 – Write a thank you card to everyone who serves me (so far I’ve written 50!)  I’ve been served by a lot of wonderful people.  Now it’s my turn to be a receiver of help (which is hard for me), and to be as gracious as I can possibly be.  #1 on that list of helpers is my dear husband.  Also, I will get up, put on my hat/hair/scarf and visit with whoever comes to my door.  I love visitors!

September 12 – enjoy every moment with my mother and let her take care of me (I’ve already written about that wonderful 4 days we spent together.)  Go to Logan and support my cousin Scott.  Go to Rupert and visit my childhood home and my sister Janet and her family.

 

October 3 – listen to the LDS general conference.  Determine to make 2 improvements in my life.  Sew a crib skirt and a crib quilt for my little grandson Charlie.  Go to Chicago/South Bend with our family for the BYU-Notre Dame football game. (This trip was planned long before the word “cancer” was spoken.)  The trip begins tomorrow starting in Chicago and ends in Minneapolis, MN.  Rick and I are picking up four new states in our quest to get to all 50.

October 24 – continue to serve my CASA girl and my Young Women girls.  Find some way to do something special for them. Sew some items for Christmas gifts. Go to some movies with Rick.  Have some people come over for dinner.  I love having dinner guests.

November 14 – enjoy the visit of my daughter Jordan who is coming to help me after the treatment.  Go to New Mexico for Thanksgiving with our daughters and their families.  Five of our six grandchildren will be there!

December 5 – enjoy the visit of my sister Janet and let her help me decorate our home for Christmas (prior to the treatment.)  Celebrate the end of Chemo treatments by going to The Roof at the JSMB after I’m well enough to eat.  Enjoy the entire month with no more treatments and our family all coming home for Christmas!  Could there be a better way to celebrate the birth of the Savior?  Halleluiah!!

I also decided to read the entire Book of Mormon again between the first chemo treatment and the last radiation treatment.

I’ll start radiation treatments in January and they will be every day, M-F, for six weeks.  I’ll need to set some new “Horizon goals” for those long six weeks. 

Face that fire, walk right through it!

I friend shared this song with me.  Haha, it's pretty good.  I'm not a big country fan, but there is a lot of truth to be found in most of the lyrics here.
"But the good news is there's angels everywhere out on the street.  Holdin out a hand to pull you back up on your feet."  So true!

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

- Winston Churchill

Chemo #3

October 3. Not as bad as chemo #1, not as "good" as chemo #2.  Its been hard.  Very hard.
I'm at day #8 now after the infusion and I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  No energy.  Shortness of breath.  Fingernails turning white under the nail.  Right eye twitching. Rash reappearing on my hands. Nose bleeds. Chemo brain. No appetite.  Dry mouth. Dry nose.  Digestive issues.  Hourly trips to the bathroom. Nausea.  Not throwing up nausea so much as just feeling yucky.  Nothing sounds good to eat.  Forcing myself to eat and drink.  Don't like the taste of anything sweet.  Bone pain subsided after about day 5, but it was painful.  Even my toes hurt.  Tears.  Blessings.  Prayers. Re-reading my "uplifting thoughts book" from family and friends.  Taking meds to combat the side effects.  Wonder if they are just causing more side effects.
Half way there.  3 down, 3 to go. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

Colleen brought us dinner again on chemo day. She is such a dear friend.
My kind mother-in-law went with me to receive the chemo infusion and brought us food.
My sweet ward sisters brought us some delicious meals that were much appreciated over conference weekend.  All this food is a great blessing to my husband who might otherwise starve.
Watched the LDS general conference from my bed with Rick by my side.  Watched the last session in the recliner with Rick, Andy and Chelsea
My cousin Von visited.
A huge piece of my back molar broke off and I had to go to the dentist to get it ground down and fit with a temporary crown on Monday.  Great.  More expenses.  I don't think it is a good idea to mix dental work with chemo. Missed work.
Forced myself to work several hours a day T-F this week.  Thank goodness for a flexible job and understanding and kind people. 
My sis-in-law Robyn visited from CA and brought flowers
My sis-in-law Ann and her husband Brian brought us dinner and gave me this

I LOVE it!  I think I'll keep adding some more pink/breast cancer charms.

Dear friends David and Pam from OR sent this.

 

Love just keeps pouring in.  Uplifting messages, texts, calls and visits  keep coming.It means a lot, I'm not gonna lie.  Lots of love and support from our children and their spouses and our sweet grandchildren
The Beehive and MiaMaid girls came over last night for mutual and made fondue.  It was a great distraction and I loved being with them.

My brother Paul and my sisters Mary Ann, Lee and Janet came by for a visit on their way to AZ.  It's always a mood booster to see the sibs and I appreciate their love and support.

Finally, which hat do you prefer?

Look #1

My good friend Victoria hand crocheted me these hats.  This one almost looks like hair.  Andy thinks I look like a hedgehog.  What do you think?  Eyebrows and eyelashes still hanging tough.

Look #2

Look #3

Look #4 hand made by a sweet woman I VT named Allyson

Temple Square

This is the temple we were married in 33 years ago!

Gorgeous flower beds all meticulously kept up

The temple with a view of the Joseph Smith memorial building to the left

The Administrative offices of the church where President Monson and the 12 apostles have their offices

The beautiful gardens surrounding Temple Square

The name of our church with emphasis on the person who leads it, Jesus Christ

A statue of Brigham Young who first entered the valley and said

 "This is the right place."

The magnificent Salt Lake City temple that took 40 years to build in the late 1800s

Inside the Tabernacle where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performs their weekly program, Music and the Spoken word

The Assembly Hall were concerts and performances are held

A memorial honoring the strong and courageous pioneers, may of whom were our ancestors

Statues honoring Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum Smith

The Church Office building were church workers carry out the business of the church

The spires of the Salt Lake City temple

There are several beautiful water features to be enjoyed on Temple Square

The Conference Center where general conference will be held this weekend

A week ago last Sunday as we were returning from Idaho, we had an hour to walk around Temple Square on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.  It was so peaceful and nice to just leisurely stroll through one of the best locations on earth.  Temple Square is the center of the universe for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  This weekend thousands of people, members of the church and guests, will converge on this two block area to hear the words of our dear prophet Thomas S. Monson and the general authorities of the church including all members of the counsel of the 12 apostles.  It is our semi-annual general conference and members and guests from all over the world will tune in to hear the words of our living prophets, general authorities and women auxiliary leaders.  We believe that we have a living prophet, President Monson and 12 apostles who act in the name of Jesus Christ, who is the head of our church.  Messages of love, encouragement and instruction will be given and all are invited to attend.  Please check out this link to the church website to listen to the live lessons of conference. lds.org

A trip back in time

Rick's 2nd home from grade school through post mission in SLC

Rick's 1st childhood home in SLC

 My childhood home in Rupert, ID

Last weekend we went on a little road trip to Logan, UT and then on to Rupert, ID and finally we looked around the area in Salt Lake City, UT where Rick grew up.  We had a great time visiting with my sister Janet and her husband Dave and seeing two of her sons Dustin and Cameron and their families.  We drove out to Oakley, ID to visit the rodeo family and enjoyed going in to Burley for lunch with them.  Dustin and his family came over to visit both nights we were there and we enjoyed catching up with them.  Take a look at this TV interview Dustin did a few weeks ago.  He is both handsome and articulate and I'm very proud of him.  He is doing a great job with his employment and his family!

Whenever Rick and I drive around the areas where we grew up, we are flooded with memories and good feelings about our past lives.  We feel so fortunate to have been raised by goodly parents who taught us by their examples how to live life and how to contribute to society.  Rick always wants to know more about the people, the places and the stories of life in a farming community.  I love to hear his stories about growing up in a city and walking up the hill both ways to his piano lessons.  We usually share some new story that comes to mind that we haven't heard before.  We are such great friends and we enjoy our road trips so much because we have a chance to visit, to reminisce and to share our thought and feelings about a myriad of topics.

I'm also struck my the thought that we have seen the hand of the Lord in our lives, manifest countless times by the little happenings that came along the way.  Some people call them tender mercies, some people call them coincidences, and I like to just call them evidences of our Savior's love and proof that He is aware of us and in control of things.  He gave me a great family and location to be raised in and He gave me opportunities galore for growth and a happy life.  I feel so blessed and so fortunate to have countless blessings in my life.