The Rupert Way

Rupert, Idaho

I have great fondness for the little town where I grew up. Whenever I visit there, I always get a lump in my throat and great emotions swell in my heart. When we pull in to town to visit, I'm almost overcome with a sense of entering a time machine. Not much changes in Rupert. I can imagine that I still live there and that I'm just headed down Meridian Road to our home and that I will find all well there. As I drive down the road and look at the homes, businesses and scenery, I can think of one hundred stories and events that transpired along that route. I loved growing up in Rupert. Small town living had a charm all its own, which you almost can't appreciate unless you've had a similar experience. It is a unique place because it has a town square with this beautiful park at the center. All of the businesses surround the park and the business district is about three or four block square.
This picture shows the Wilson theater. It is a Rupert landmark. I've spend many, many hours at the Wilson watching movies. It has recently been restored and you can see from the picture how nice it looks now. It has a balcony in the theater and as kids, we always loved sitting in the balcony to watch a movie. Show times were in the evenings mostly just on weekends, usually starting at 7:00 and 9:00 and then on Saturday with shows at 2:00, 4:00, 6:00 and 8:00 pm.The Snake River went by our little town. Water from the river was used to irrigate our farm and many other farms in the area. The river was a favorite place for picnics, boating (although we didn't do much of that when I was very young) and water skiing. I almost drowned in the Snake River, but that is a story for another day.

I affectionately refer to the "Rupert Way" when I think of a way of life and a way to live that life to it's fullest. Here are some of the ways of living that make up the "Rupert Way":

1. Slow down and smell the roses. Life in Rupert is at a much slower pace. People have time to talk and most people know everyone in town. You can go "to town" as we called it (which was traveling 2 1/2 miles from our farm home into the city limits) and meet many people you know in the stores. You'd better put on your lipstick, because you're sure to see someone you know.
2. There were two department stores when I was young, Penney's and Idaho Department Store. There were also a couple of drug stores, a nice clothing store named Roper's, a jewelry store, a music store, a furniture store, a flower store, a shoe store, a book store, a fabric store, a western store and King's, the variety store. If they didn't have it, you didn't need it. Once in awhile we'd travel to Burley or to Utah for major purchases, but mostly we made do. Instead of having one hundred choices of items to meet every need, we had two or three, and that was fine.
3. We hardly ever ate out. We ate at home, but on the rare occasion that we did eat out, it was usually at the Tasty Freeze, or the A&W. Grownups ate at the Ponderosa on special occasions, or we would have a few family outings to a few pizza places or cafes. We had a huge garden and we ate out of it, all summer long, on our little patio. All women knew how to cook and they did it very well.
   
4. We had one or two doctors and one or two dentists. If they couldn't fix it, you were in trouble. We didn't go to the doctor for every little thing.
   
5. People worked HARD, the sun-up-t0-sundown kind of hard. Most of the people in the community were farmers or dairy men. They didn't complain. They helped each other. If anyone was in need, neighbors came to the rescue.
6. People dressed simply and generally with no pretense. They wore the best they had, which wasn't always the most fashionable, but looked just fine as long as it was clean.
7. Back in the day, LDS Church members comprised about thirty to thirty-five percent of the community. I think members were generally held in high regard in the community. They served in the community and worked hard and helped everyone, regardless of religion. One time when I wrote a nasty note in seventh grade to a girl who bugged me, the PE teacher, Mrs. Stefan, got the note and read it. In it, I used some swear words and said some cruel things to the annoying girl. Mrs. Stefan called me to her office and asked me if I'd written the note. I said that I had. She said "Isn't your dad a leader of your church? Would he approve of this note?" I never felt more ashamed thinking that I had dishonored my church and my dad by my behavior. I apologized to the girl with Mrs. Stefan standing nearby.
   
8. We stayed home and made our own entertainment. We didn't need to be constantly entertained and, frankly, there wasn't much by way of entertainment in the area anyway. We played with family and friends and made up all sorts of interesting things to do. Amazing stories will follow some day about some of those activities. Kids in Rupert were creative and they had a lot of fun.
   
9. People did what they said they would do, for the most part. People served others and helped, even when they didn't have much themselves. I think those are some of the defining characteristics about the Rupert way - hard work, honesty, helpfulness, kindness, being nonjudgmental and down-to-earth, with not much pretense. No one was out to impress anyone else much. It was a simple way of life, one that I miss sometimes.
   
10. It's a real compliment to be a person who lives "the Rupert way." My sister Janet and her husband Dave epitomize this way of living life. Dave's motto that "it ain't no big deal" (no he doesn't speak this way, but it is his motto) tells in a nutshell about how to live this way.
    
11. My husband is an adopted son of Rupert. He is pretty lucky that I have granted him that status, but he deserves it, because he is a hard worker, true to his word, unpretentious and willing to help. And he'll even put on a clean shirt when he goes into town to pick up a loaf of bread or a jug of milk in case he sees someone he knows.

Our parents were wise when they moved their young family to Rupert Idaho to accept employment. I think growing up there helped shape all of us seven kids into the people we are today. If you know anyone from Rupert, Idaho, I hope they incorporate the values of living the "Rupert Way."

Utah baby names

Get ready to laugh. My claim to fame is that my name is on the list! Is yours?

An online help for parents looking for that distinctive
name that says "I'm a Utah Mormon!"

Click on this link:
Utah Baby Namer

Feeding - continued

A woman I work with gave me this sketch several years ago. Where exactly does one put such a picture? I think I'll give it to La Leche league for their office or maybe I'll send it to my sister Ann :) I've kept it in the closet waiting to give it to just the right person. Any takers? I think it illustrates an important point about breastfeeding. It's a deeply personal choice and each mother has to make her own decision of how to feed her infant. This is a choice that didn't even exist 150 years ago. Wikipedia notes that "The first preparations for the feeding of infants were produced commercially in 1867 by Justus von Liebig. Today, most infant formulas are based on either cow milk or soy milk." This goes without saying, but I think it's an important point - throughout the course of human history, babies were breastfed. It is the natural way of things. Whether God or man introduced formula into the feeding options in unknown, but it is a relatively new development.
This decision is one on the list of many that fuel the "mommy wars." To breastfeed or not, to use pain killer drugs during labor and delivery or not, to make your own home made smashed up baby food or not just to name a few. It seems that the most hotly contested one of them all is to work or not to work after children are born (this could be a post for another day). It seems like it's a woman's version of a "jock off" that men play when they compete in sports or decide who's car is cooler or who is stronger or more macho. The point is that everyone wants their choice to be the best, the coolest, the more progressive right way. And in deciding to breastfeed or not, as far as I'm concerned, there is no wrong and right way, but there could possibly be a perfectly good way and an even better way.
Most women probably get some input from their husbands, but it ultimately it comes down to the mother deciding what she wants to do. I think this is part of the reason people have such strong feelings on both sides of the issue. They don't want to feel that their choice is wrong or inferior to another choice. Most Woman want to feel good about the way they feed their baby. They instinctively want to be good mothers. Most probably want to do what is in the best interest of their child, taking into consideration other external considerations such as returning to work, how many other children need care, sleep needs etc., etc. I just believe that a nursing mom sacrifices much more of herself to feed her baby and I admire that in those who do.
There are obvious cons. Some were brought up in the comments from the last post which I appreciated. Here is what I extrapolate from your comments:
* It's embarrassing and uncomfortable to do and to see for some
* It's a mother thing and men are glad they don't have to directly participate
* Breastfeeding in many, many other countries is seen as completely natural and the women (and men as far as I could tell) have no embarrassment about it. I witnessed this in Argentina as well. Woman had complete confidence and ease in feeding their children, anywhere, anytime. The natives didn't think anything of it, but the poor Americans were traumatized because they weren't used to it. The "civilized" USA views the human female breast much more as a sex object than as a feeding tool.
* Some people tend to fixate on the weird and sensationalize the extremes when talking about breastfeeding and "You Tube" and other avenues help spread the strangeness when mostly it's just a normal, natural way to feed a baby for about a year. Beyond that it can get very strange.
* Nursing ties the mother down - no question about that - however I've seen several moms be innovative in using their time doing two things at once while nursing - such a reading for themselves or to a younger child, or watching TV which they would probably be doing anyway. No doubt that dads who have a nursing wife need to help out more and the ones I've seen do just that.
* Sleep issues are tough. Both feeding a bottle and nursing require someone to get up and take care of the baby. That job can be shared when the baby is being bottle fed. Let the fathers feel the pain as well and involve other children in feeding. This isn't possible with nursing babies, but dads can pick up the slack in other ways.
There are also obvious pros.
* It doesn't cost anything. Buying formula is very expensive.
* It's always handy and ready to go. No bottles, preparation or running out of things or losing the bottle.
* and this from the experts:

"Infant formula is necessarily an imperfect approximation of breast milk because:

• The exact chemical properties of breast milk are still unknown.^[4]
• A mother's breast milk changes in response to the feeding habits of her baby and over time, thus adjusting to the infant's individual growth and development.^[5]
• Breast milk includes a mother's antibodies that help the baby avoid or fight off infections and give his immature immune system the benefit of his mother's immune system that has many years of experience with the germs common in their environment.

However, it is now universally recognized that there is no commercial formula that can equal breast milk. In addition to the appropriate amounts of carbohydrate, protein and fat, breast milk also provides vitamins, minerals, digestive enzymes and hormones - all of the things that a growing infant will require. Breast milk also contains antibodies and lymphocytes from the mother that help the baby resist infections. The immune function of breast milk is individualized, as the mother, through her touching and taking care of the baby, comes into contact with pathogens that colonize the baby and consequently her body makes the appropriate antibodies and immune cells. This is a process that obviously cannot be replicated on an industrial basis."

I'm interested now to know if there is more research on the topic of the advantages of breast milk to a child's overall health and well being throughout their entire life. Humm, this would be a good research project.
I think the issue of bonding of mother and child can be achieved through either feeding method. Mothers who nurse or bottle feed can both feel strong bonds with their child. This is where the guilt trip comes in because both types of mothers don't want to be accused of not doing all they can to bond with their baby. It usually comes down to - My way is better than your way- which causes all the guilt. Nursing moms are sometimes made to feel bad about their choice from the outspoken bottles feeders who are grossed out by breastfeeding and the bottle feeders sometimes feel guilty because of the strong voices from those who choose to nurse. As a hypothetical question: Why can't we as women all just be friends and support each other in either method? (Remember Rodney King - why can't we all just get along?)
As I stated before, I believe the choice is deeply personal and in an ideal world, no one would be harshly judged one way or the other. I think each woman should study all the information, consider her circumstances and personal needs, get input from her husband who needs to be supportive either way, and then make a decision. Which way is best for you and your baby? YOU decide.

Breastfeeding

There has been a flurry of activity recently in Utah and nationally concerning breastfeeding. The questions and concerns brought up are quite compelling.

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed? That is the question.

Here are some interesting links to articles on the subject.

New York Times blog on breastfeeding

Article in D News on breastfeeding

Breastfeeding Mom has law on her side article

Encourage breastfeeding article

Breastfeeding study conducted at BYU by my friend Renata Forste.

I admire the heck out of women who breastfeed until an infant is one year old. I'm very proud of my daughter Jord who is nursing her second infant and has been going strong for over 8 months. She nursed her first child until she could drink from a cup, which was about 1 year old. It takes a ton of time, a ton of patience, but I truly believe it is in the best interest of the child.

I wasn't so good at it myself. I didn't even start with daughter number one since I had to go back to work full-time six weeks after her birth. I started out with daughter number two and then had to quit when I suffered a back injury and had to take strong medication to survive. I got going with son number one, but had to quit when his colic became overwhelming and he had to drink soy formula to cope. I had the most success with son number two and kept it up for about six months until demand outdid supply. I just believe that human milk is made for human babies and that is has a lot of good stuff in it that can't be duplicated.

There are some tips and tricks that help make the process easier to deal with. Jord has figured out some and I hope she will share. One thing I know that helped her was to have a functional cover up so that she could nurse without showing all. She got a pattern from a friend and we sewed her one when I went to help her after her second child was born. It's a handy little thing that covers everything but still allows the mother to see her infant and to have her hands free. Those cool little bean shaped pillows that support the baby and mother's arm are also a great invention. I don't recall the name right now.

I think nursing mom's need to be discrete and to use some common sense when they are in public. I'm not a fan of showing all, but I also understand that sometimes there is no where to go to feed a child. That is why a good cover up comes in handy. What are your thoughts on the subject?

Marriage

Since I posted all the beautiful pictures of happily married couples today and wrote a little about their wedding days, I wanted to share a few random thoughts I have about marriage and about my marriage in particular.
I believe in marriage. I had the tremendous blessing of growing up in a home where my father loved my mother and my mother loved my father. I thought when I was young that most, if not all, marriages were this way. I imagined that love and mutual respect existed in most marital relationships. I thought that most spouses would be concerned with the welfare of their spouse and that he or she would seek out the best in everything for the welfare and comfort of their partner, most times at the expense of their own desires. It wasn't until years later, after observing different relationships and marriages, and in coming to know the experiences of many of those I loved, that I realized that many, many marriages have serious difficulties. I saw the tremendous damage that was caused by infidelity, mistrust, selfishness, pride, not forgiving and lack of respect. I've also seen the devastation caused to children who grew up in homes where their parents didn't love and care for each other. My heart goes out to broken families, unhappy couples and distraught children who don't know where to turn.
In opposition to these heartbreaking stories, I've also seen couples who treat each other with the utmost respect and kindness and couples who are selfless and who sacrifice for the welfare and comfort of each other. I have observed families who are fortunate enough to stay together, who value what they have and who work daily to keep marital bonds strong. And I do believe it takes work. Hard work, daily work and effort to keep the ties that bind strong and immovable. Every couple has to find their way and sort out what kind of marriage they will have. They have to decide what they want in life and decide what their priorities will be, how much time they will devote to which needs, wants and desires and who will fill all the responsibilities. This takes team work. It takes an equal partnership.
My marriage is a partnership. I don't say this to be boastful or to brag, but I say it because that is the way it is. We walk side by side. We each do our part. It's not little me or little him. It's both of us doing our part. Our parts are different and we have different responsibilities in our home and in our marriage. We know our parts and we gladly accept them. We have become two parts of one whole through our 29 years of marriage. Our strengths and weaknesses compliment one another. We aren't whole when we aren't together. However, we aren't perfect. We are still growing and trying to be patient, selfless and giving. We have a goal in sight and we are still working towards that goal.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints, I also believe in eternal marriage. I believe that our marriage can endure the test of time. I believe that our marriage is for the very long haul, now and later, for all time. With that goal in mind, with that thought foremost in my heart and mind, I want to do all that I can to keep it vibrant, to keep it grounded, to keep it real. I fall short, but I value what I have and I keep trying because I believe the following statement wholeheartedly from The Family: A Proclamation to the World
Here is a portion from the proclamation:

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

The pictures at the top of this post symbolizes these principles to me. One is a picture of the Salt Lake City LDS temple at Christmas time. The other is a picture of our entire family (with four week old little Ellie under her dad's coat.) Because of the temple and all that it represents, because of the temple and the eternal marriages that are performed within, I can have the chance to be with my husband and have our family relationships continue for all time. My children will marry and start their own families and when it's all said and done, it's about me and my husband, our marriage, and what we choose to make of it. Oh, did I mention that I love him dearly? Well, I do.