5 years down

July 2 was another milestone.  I passed the 5 year mark since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is kind of a big deal since I've read that getting this far without any reoccurrence is very good news.  I went back on July 21 to get my annual mammogram as scheduled.  All went well. Then five days later, I got a call.  Oh no.  Seriously? My heart sank.  They could see something on the mammogram that was unusual. I needed to go back for more tests.  This is how it all started last time.

Five more days passed. I didn't want to panic until I knew more.  I forced my mind to focus. I had had false alarms before and it could be nothing.  Or it could be something.  I started running various scenarios through my mind.  What would I do if I had a reoccurrence? I know pretty firmly what I would do in my mind.  I told Rick about the need for more tests, but didn't want to alarm anyone else until more was known.  We talked.  We prayed.  We waited.

The sonogram proved that the spot was just a cyst.  Nothing more.  Confirmed by two doctors.

A reprieve for now.  Hopefully forever.  That is the unknown part of dealing with cancer.

Two of my friends have recently been diagnosed.  My heart and soul goes out to them.  I hurt for them.  I know.  I know what they are going through.  I wish they didn't have to travel this road. One friend going through this trial is the wife of Rick's cousin who is my age and a good friend. Another is a friend in our area who is younger.  Two strong, brave, beautiful women who are facing this beast.

Cancer of any kind is such an insidious disease.  I hate it so much.  I hate how is disrupts lives and changes happy circumstances to trying ones.  I hate how it becomes the focus of everything.  I hate how it steals good people and carries them away.  I hate how much it costs to fight it and that some people can't afford the cost of treatment.  I hate that it leaves holes in families and heartache so profound in its wake.  I hate that it sneaks in and robs what was whole.  I hate that it robs peace of mind. I hate how it causes fear, anxiety and pain in every way possible.  I hate that it changes family circumstances that will never quite be the same if it overcomes a person's body and takes them away.

And yet, IT causes refinement in an ironic twist of circumstances.  IT causes everything that doesn't matter to fall away.  IT brings into focus sweet relationships and cherished time spent together.  IT shows us that we aren't in control of much of anything.   IT humbles us in a way that nothing else can. IT shows us that the One Supreme Being over us all knows why things happen the way they do. IT shows us our nothingness and our weakness.  IT shows us our dependence on a greater power. Nothing more can combat IT.

Peace comes from knowing, really knowing this.  God is our Father.  He knows us.  He hears our prayers. He knows our hearts.  He feels our pain.  He sends his love through many avenues and most of them appear at the front door with a flower, a plate of food, a hug, a smile, a kind act of service, a note, a call, a remembrance, a word of encouragement.  They have different names, different faces, different ways to show HIS love.  The comfort and peace that can be felt during these extreme times of anguish come through the marvelous atonement of His only begotten Son.  Would we turn to Him and this source of strength otherwise?  He is the answer to getting through this terrible thing we call cancer.  Come what may. He only One.