Drinking from the bitter cup

Our Jake is getting close to the border of mortality.  As he enters the last weeks of his mortal life, we are all so distraught at the knowledge that he will leave us and enter that existence of immortality and on into the eternities, knowing that we will be left behind for a time.  The thought of separation tears at our hearts. It tests us in every way possible.  As I am writing this, tears are streaming down my face as I think of the void that we will all feel in our lives as those who love him:  our family, his parents and siblings, friends, neighbors, all the people he has influenced and most off all his wife and companion Jordan and his children Lauren, Ellie, Ada and Tommy.  This good son of God has done much good in his earthly probation and he has nearly passed his testing in mortality.  

This is a very bitter cup.  I have traveled this road before and I have watched those I love suffer the pain of separation from their dear ones.  There is no greater trial in life, I believe, than losing a spouse.  I know of only one place to turn for comfort and peace.  He, only One. The challenge in drinking from the bitter cup is to not let that drink make one bitter.  

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching.
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind.
Love without end.

I've found great comfort in the words of this hymn by Emma Lou Thayne and in this book. Elder Neal Maxwell is a special person to me and Rick.  He married us in the Salt Lake City LDS temple in 1979.  His words of comfort in this book, his eloquent explanations and wisdom have given me insight into the difficult questions surrounding this hard trial that is happening to Jake, my dear daughter Jordan and their four little children.  This is the ultimate test: separation through death from a spouse and father.

Abraham 3:25 And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do ALL things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them. 

The book is full of wisdom.  Here are some quotes that are so helpful to me:  

"Life is a school in which we enrolled not only voluntarily but rejoicingly; and if the school's headmaster employs a curriculum--proven again and again on other planets, to bring happiness to participants--and if we agreed that once we were enrolled there would be no withdrawals, and also to undergo examinations that would truly test our ability and perceptivity, what would an experienced headmaster do if, later on, there were complaints? Especially if, in his seeming absence, many of the school children tore up their guiding notebooks and demanded that He stop the examination since these produced some pain? There is, to use jargon from American higher education, no way to "CLEP" the examinations of the second estate; one learns by taking the full course!"

"Without the veil, for instance, we would lose that precious insulation which keeps us from a profound and disabling homesickness that would interfere with our mortal probation and maturation." 

"Worshipful acknowledgment of an omniscient God will cause us to cooperate in the stretching of our souls." 

"Pain and suffering only make sense when viewed within an eternal context: suffering, loss, and pain, rather than fermenting bitterness, can indeed deepen our empathy for others, allow us a greater approach to humility, and provide a path to strengthen discipleship. In the words of C.S.Lewis, God sometimes wishes to create a mansion from our little cottage rather than the modest remodeling that we initially anticipated.

"Understanding the role of suffering is a "hard doctrine" that requires insight into both ourselves and the nature of God. Understanding suffering as part of our mortal experience does not only requires faith in God's love for us, but also in his omniscience--particularly his knowledge of how much hardship each of us individually can bear."

"We define the veil as the border between mortality and eternity...we experience this same separateness when a baby is born, and also as we wait with those who are dying - for when we brush against the veil, as goodbyes and greetings are said almost within earshot of each other.  In such moments, this resonance with realities on the other side of the veil is so real that it can be explained in only one way...Deep within us, His doctrines do strike the promised chord of familiarity and underscore our true identity."

"The second estate (this life), however, is one that emphasizes experiential learning, through applying, proving and testing. We have moved, as it were, from first estate theory to second estate laboratory.  It is here that our Christlike characteristics are further shaped and our spiritual skills are thus strengthened."

"He will not allow the cutting short of some of the brief experiences we are having here.  To do so would be to deprive us of everlasting experiences and great joy there.  What else would an omniscient and loving Father do, even if we plead otherwise?  He must at times say no.  Further, since there was no exemption from suffering for Christ, how can there be one for us?  Do we really want immunity from adversity?  Especially when certain kinds of suffering can aid our growth in this life."

"We could not trust in the perfectness of God's judgement if we did not first know that He foresaw and carefully calibrated our chastening and learning experiences accordingly.  In order for "all these things" to make sense, we must come to understand that God has "all sense."  Only then can we repose with confidence in His perfect love!"