I want to be in four places at once

Last week was an adventure.  There were so many things going on in our family and I wish I could have been in four places at once.

Phoenix, AZ - Jordan and Jake and their little ones had a very hard week.  Everyone got sick including Jake's parents John and Barbara.  They fell ill with different aliments like bronchitis, strep throat and the stomach flu, and at some points in time, all were suffering.  The caregivers couldn't give the care they wanted to and needed to give to Jake and he also was suffering.  It was a terribly hard week for them and I wish I could have given a hand.

Los Angeles, CA - Andy completely tore his Achilles tendon playing basketball on April 2 and underwent surgery on April 6 to repair the tear.  Poor Andy.  His list of injuries and surgeries continue.  He was had his fair share of pain and misery suffering from accidents and unexpected injuries.  Chelsea was such a great nurse and help to him and we appreciate her loving care.  She took many days away from school to care for him and their cat Chingas filled in when she couldn't be there.  Cousin Rom also took a shift. I just wish I could have paid him a visit and helped out.

Utah - I've left my sweetheart home alone over many weeks since the first of the year.  He has been able to go with me on several trips, but since he still has a job and I no longer work, I am more available to travel to see our kids and he is not.  It is hard on us both when I'm not home.  He is a trooper and tries his best to get along alone, but a person can only eat so many Little Caesar pizzas and Taco Bell meals before that gets very old.   We are always so happy to get back together. I do miss him and love to be with him and get back into our routine.

New Mexico - Since R got a promotion at work, he was awarded a trip to Hawaii.  Before Thanksgiving Claire asked me if I would tend Lizzie and Will for most of the time they were gone.  I willingly agreed to tend for eight days so that they could take this dream vacation.  Who knew then that all these other moving parts would converge to make this particular week so trying for so many of our family members?  We kept in touch over the week by text, calls, and Facetime and tried to provide encouragement and love to those in need.  

I love my family.  I love how we support one another through thick and thin.  And there has been a lot of thin lately.  I wish I could have been in four places last week, but I know that other family members and friends have come to the rescue of those in need, and I'm so grateful for that blessing.  

He is Risen!

This Easter brought poignant feelings to our family as we contemplate the passing of Jake.  As we sat in church and sang the hymns of Easter, I flipped to an Easter hymn that we don't often sing entitled "That Easter Morn."  It says:

That Easter morn, a grave that burst
proclaimed to man that "Last and First"
Had risen again and conquered pain.

This morn renews for us that day
When Jesus cast the bonds away,
Took living breath and conquered death.

Thus we in gratitude recall
And give our love and pledge our all,
Shed grateful tear and conquer fear.

I'm eternally grateful to our Savior for giving all mankind the gift of overcoming the grave.  It literally means that I will see my beloved father Earl, my grandparents Mayme, Ray, Lavon and Mamie again, my brother's in law Jon and Robert and my friends and family members who I love who have passed on to the other side.  And, it means that we will be with Jake again.  Hallelujah!

Gathering strength from family

We had a memorable weekend last week as we spent precious family time together and as we said goodbye to Jake.  Jordan and Jake requested that we all come as a family and spend a few days with them.  Jake's parents and siblings and their spouses had come the weekend before. J & J wanted to carry on as normally as possible and that is just what we did or at least tried to do.  The girls were out of school on spring break so we had a lot of fun sharing activities with them.
Our hearts were heavy with sadness as we contemplated those final goodbyes, but this was a special weekend for our family.  There were many moments of happiness, fun, enjoyment and some very sad moments of almost sacred family time.  Those intimate moments are too special to be shared here, but I did want to share some of the memories we enjoyed as a family.  There was such a feeling of love, kindness and support the entire weekend.  Claire and R, Dave and Courtney, Andy and Chelsea traveled from out of state with their children and everyone arrived by Thursday evening.  We were all together.  There is such strength and peace in family time.  We had family pictures taken by a dear woman who offered her professional services.  We stayed in the homes of some of the ward members who love Jordan and Jake and who offered their homes.  And we rallied together and felt the strength, peace and calm that only the Savior can give.  Jake set the tone in his home, and he and Jordan's faith, calm demeanor and courage strengthened us all, even when we thought we were going to help them.

What's not to love about KID pedicures?

Pampering X 6

Cousin time was the best and they all played
 together so well in the 80 degree weather

Lizzie on the slip-n-slid A&C brought 

Ada enjoying a good slide.  Andy and Chelsea
were so good to play with them and make
 a huge obstacle course around the entire house.

Will having some fun,
while being super cautious of the slip-n-slid

Watching BYU play ball against Virginia Tech,
one of our long-time shared family activities, cheering on the Cougars

Ebelskivers anyone? Chef Lauren

Easter egg hut in the backyard...

...and in the front yard.

Eight of the cutest grandchildren of all time.

Adult dinner out to one of Jake's favorite restaurants - Barrio

Grandma Vonnie pulled another tooth,
this time for Ada

Lunch, poolside

Endless story time that I loved

Great meals for 18, thanks to the help of everyone

Those little boys love their Grandpa Rickeee

Hanging out with Jake

Darling girls getting warm and dry

Margaret finds an Easter egg

Reading stories can be exhausting

Charlie and Will love each other!

After church, saying goodbye

Crazy brothers

Ellie and a mystery person

Tommy boy finding eggs

More slip-n-slid Ada?

Lizzie conquers!

Ellie slides in every manner possible

Will enjoying (?) the tape game

Chelsea and Ada before family photos

Family parade!

Jake, the grand marshall

This picture was taken the weekend before
of Jake surrounded by the love of his family.  The love we feel for them is beyond measure.

I saw this quote the week we were there.
 I think it perfectly captures how Jordan and Jake
 are handling this severe trial.
 Even though it is terribly hard and sad,
 it is making them stronger and better people.

I couldn't help but notice their initials
 engraved in the sidewalk.  JR, JR, LR, EBR, AR, TR.
 They are a forever family and their love is eternal.  

Drinking from the bitter cup

Our Jake is getting close to the border of mortality.  As he enters the last weeks of his mortal life, we are all so distraught at the knowledge that he will leave us and enter that existence of immortality and on into the eternities, knowing that we will be left behind for a time.  The thought of separation tears at our hearts. It tests us in every way possible.  As I am writing this, tears are streaming down my face as I think of the void that we will all feel in our lives as those who love him:  our family, his parents and siblings, friends, neighbors, all the people he has influenced and most off all his wife and companion Jordan and his children Lauren, Ellie, Ada and Tommy.  This good son of God has done much good in his earthly probation and he has nearly passed his testing in mortality.  

This is a very bitter cup.  I have traveled this road before and I have watched those I love suffer the pain of separation from their dear ones.  There is no greater trial in life, I believe, than losing a spouse.  I know of only one place to turn for comfort and peace.  He, only One. The challenge in drinking from the bitter cup is to not let that drink make one bitter.  

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching.
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind.
Love without end.

I've found great comfort in the words of this hymn by Emma Lou Thayne and in this book. Elder Neal Maxwell is a special person to me and Rick.  He married us in the Salt Lake City LDS temple in 1979.  His words of comfort in this book, his eloquent explanations and wisdom have given me insight into the difficult questions surrounding this hard trial that is happening to Jake, my dear daughter Jordan and their four little children.  This is the ultimate test: separation through death from a spouse and father.

Abraham 3:25 And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do ALL things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them. 

The book is full of wisdom.  Here are some quotes that are so helpful to me:  

"Life is a school in which we enrolled not only voluntarily but rejoicingly; and if the school's headmaster employs a curriculum--proven again and again on other planets, to bring happiness to participants--and if we agreed that once we were enrolled there would be no withdrawals, and also to undergo examinations that would truly test our ability and perceptivity, what would an experienced headmaster do if, later on, there were complaints? Especially if, in his seeming absence, many of the school children tore up their guiding notebooks and demanded that He stop the examination since these produced some pain? There is, to use jargon from American higher education, no way to "CLEP" the examinations of the second estate; one learns by taking the full course!"

"Without the veil, for instance, we would lose that precious insulation which keeps us from a profound and disabling homesickness that would interfere with our mortal probation and maturation." 

"Worshipful acknowledgment of an omniscient God will cause us to cooperate in the stretching of our souls." 

"Pain and suffering only make sense when viewed within an eternal context: suffering, loss, and pain, rather than fermenting bitterness, can indeed deepen our empathy for others, allow us a greater approach to humility, and provide a path to strengthen discipleship. In the words of C.S.Lewis, God sometimes wishes to create a mansion from our little cottage rather than the modest remodeling that we initially anticipated.

"Understanding the role of suffering is a "hard doctrine" that requires insight into both ourselves and the nature of God. Understanding suffering as part of our mortal experience does not only requires faith in God's love for us, but also in his omniscience--particularly his knowledge of how much hardship each of us individually can bear."

"We define the veil as the border between mortality and eternity...we experience this same separateness when a baby is born, and also as we wait with those who are dying - for when we brush against the veil, as goodbyes and greetings are said almost within earshot of each other.  In such moments, this resonance with realities on the other side of the veil is so real that it can be explained in only one way...Deep within us, His doctrines do strike the promised chord of familiarity and underscore our true identity."

"The second estate (this life), however, is one that emphasizes experiential learning, through applying, proving and testing. We have moved, as it were, from first estate theory to second estate laboratory.  It is here that our Christlike characteristics are further shaped and our spiritual skills are thus strengthened."

"He will not allow the cutting short of some of the brief experiences we are having here.  To do so would be to deprive us of everlasting experiences and great joy there.  What else would an omniscient and loving Father do, even if we plead otherwise?  He must at times say no.  Further, since there was no exemption from suffering for Christ, how can there be one for us?  Do we really want immunity from adversity?  Especially when certain kinds of suffering can aid our growth in this life."

"We could not trust in the perfectness of God's judgement if we did not first know that He foresaw and carefully calibrated our chastening and learning experiences accordingly.  In order for "all these things" to make sense, we must come to understand that God has "all sense."  Only then can we repose with confidence in His perfect love!"

The many facets of the Atonement of Jesus Christ

I have been thinking about this topic for awhile now and I've written about it previously.  So many people I know are suffering through all sorts of trials and difficulties.  How then, can the Atonement of Christ really bless us and help us?

Saturday I attended our Stake Women's conference and the speaker (Carrie Wrigley) shared some valuable insights on the topic.  I had thought about some of these concepts before, but she had a way of bringing them together in a format that really made sense to me.

She entitled her talk "Finding healing through the Atonement of Jesus Christ."  Here are some notes I took from her talk and some of my own thoughts while pondering the subject of the atonement.

2 Nephi 4:20 - "My God hath been my support; he hath lead me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep."  Nephi is speaking in this verse about the support the Lord gave him, but it can just as well apply to all of us who have afflictions and have been out floating around helplessly on the waters of the great deep. What do we do?  Where to we turn?  In whom do we trust? How do we bear up under our own afflictions?  Some trials come from our own mistakes, some come from the mistakes of others that impact us, others come from the natural afflictions of this world and some come to us because we are exactly on the right track.  We can learn to press forward and drink deeply of the love of Christ and learn to apply his atonement through times of trial, whatever their origin.

How do we apply the atonement to "this" my own personal problems? How can the atonement help us daily personalize the power of divine help for our problems? Which powers do you need today?
Some resources for further study and learning:

• Elder Bruce R. McConkie, April 1985, The Purifying Power of Gethsemane. 
• Elder Boyd K. Packer, April 1987, Washed Clean
• Elder Boyd K. Packer, October 2014, The Reason for our Hope
• Elder David A. Bednar, April 2012, The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality
• Carolyn J. Rasmus, May, 2006, The Enabling Power of the Atonement

1.  Redemptive power - for sins and mistakes
The grace of the Lord can instruct us during dark periods of our lives and prompt us to make changes and start again.  It is a period of deep personal reflection as we learn to "come to ourselves" (Luke 15:17) and repent of that which we have done wrong.  It takes humility, courage and patience to truly apply the redemptive power of the atonement to our sins. Over time, we will remember our sins, but the pain of those sins will diminish and ultimately not plague us (or those who love us) anymore. The atonement makes this process possible. Whatever your burden, bring it to Him.  Bring it unto Him.
2.  Sanctifying power - helps us with our weaknesses and imperfections
We are all expected to move forward step by step, not to be perfect.  We try to be a little bit better, more like Him, every day.  We often ask...Am I enough?  We just need to do the best we can.  Turn out doubts, our insecurities, our weaknesses, our lack of confidence, our imperfections and the areas where we feel we lack, over to the Lord.  God's perfections and his divine attributes can strengthen us and heal us as we truly strive to be more like him and acquire more of his Godly attributes.
     2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 - "And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.  Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities in persecution, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then am I strong.."
We can be just like a butterfly, going through the long, painstaking process of change, starting out as a creepy crawling creature, then shut up on a cocoon and then finally reaching our full potential with wings to fly.  The God of heaven raises us up.  We become something very different than what we started out to be.  He loves us through our weaknesses.  We can trust Him to take us forward.
3.  Healing power - for our sorrows and afflictions
Jesus Christ has experienced it all.  He has been here before, so He knows how to help us, to lift us, and how to carry us.  He is a man of sorrows, and He is acquainted with YOUR grief.  Because He has already traveled this road before, He is acquainted with YOU.
John 14:18 - I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you.
D&C 98:3 - all things work together for your good
Alma 7:12 - And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful.  By vision of the Almighty, I have seen it.  Joseph Smith Teachings, section six 1843-1844, page 296.
4.  Enabling power - for pressures and challenges in life
Sometimes we are just trying to manage the weight of all of our responsibilities. Look up the word affliction in the Topical Guide.  There are many similar words that give more understanding to the word:  Adversity, afflicted, anguish, chastening, distress, oppression, persecution, perseverance, sorrow, suffering, tribulation, trouble. Who hasn't experienced one of these emotions or trials?
D&C 121:7-8, "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then IF thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."
2 Nephi 2:2, "Consecrate afflictions for our gain"
Jacob 3:1, "...look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause"
The enabling power of the atonement allows us to be sanctified, strong and serviceable to reach our full potential as children of God.

Now that we understand more about how the atonement can help us, how do we access its healing power?
We can follow these steps by learning to apply the atonement in our lives:
HOPE - show faith, trust, hope in God and his Son.  If we don't have enough hope, work to achieve it.
ASK - pray for specific needs, pray for specific help, ask for priesthood blessing, attend the temple
RECEIVE - receive help from the whisperings of the Holy Ghost, other people, our own initiative
PRACTICE - keep trying and learning, praying and showing faith.  Practice precept upon precept. The more we receive and use of the gift of the atonement, the more we are given to understand and access its power.  Experiences build on one another.

The stake women's conference was a wonderful time to be together with the women in our stake and enjoy a brunch afterwards.  I'm always enriched when I attend these functions and feel so much more love and trust in my Savior.