So lately I've been thinking a lot about this question... in dealing with people of different opinions, lifestyles, choices and beliefs, is it better to speak up or not speak up if you don't agree with their stated opinion or belief?
There are so many daily situations where this scenario plays out. If someone states an opinion I don't agree with and I don't speak up, does that give them the impression of support or agreement with their opinion? If someone voices their opinion and I don't agree with it, should I say so and calmly voice my own opinion? If someone has a melt down and spews out a lot of drama, how should those in attendance react? If someone writes something that is not true and uses strong language to malign another person, should I stay silent or say something in rebuttal, coming to the defense of the maligned person? If something is happening in social media or the news with huge political undertones, do I go ahead and voice my opinion or stay silent because I don't want to join in the drama of it all? If someone attacks my religious beliefs and mocks my lifestyle, what do I do? Avoid confrontation at all costs or calmly answer back? Is keeping the peace and avoiding confrontation more valuable than standing up for what I think is right, or for what I believe? How much trashing of my own beliefs am I willing to listen to before taking a stand?
The silent majority. They stay silent. It is safer this way. I understand it. I often stay safely in this group. I have sometimes paid a terrible price in speaking up when the other person didn't want to hear any other option but their own. But is it right to stay silent? Aren't we constantly trying to assess situations and decide if speaking up is the right thing to do, or not? Is it our battle to fight or not? Are we principle players in a situation or do we only have a supporting role? What to say, when to say it, how to say it and who to say it to must all be carefully weighed and measured, especially in close relationships. I believe that God will guide us in our desire to do what is right and to stand for truth and righteousness.
Here are some good ideas I came across.
When Silence is Golden:
- Staying silent can be just as powerful as the words you mean to say, like when the act of hugging will be more comforting than saying, “Sorry for your loss.”
- Another time when silence is golden is when you are unsure of what to say. If you are confused about your own feelings concerning a matter, it’s best to stay quiet until you are more certain because more harm can be done by revealing false or exaggerated feelings.
- Choose silence instead of blurting out ‘in-the-moment’ feelings that are hurtful and not really how you feel in the grand scheme of things. When you feel the urge to say an unkind thing, take a few breaths and think of the possible consequences of your words.
- Another time when it’s best to stay silent is when someone is sharing a meaningful story. Let the friend or person feel ‘heard’ by your silent nodding and sincere eye contact.
- Silence can be your best friend during negotiations. Say your piece, then close your mouth, and let the other person come to their own conclusions. Your silence shows that one, you are confident in what you just said, and two, you respect the other person enough to hear what they have to say.
- Sometimes silence is the best and most timely solution because the other person is not in a position to hear what you have to say. For example, when a friend needs for you to listen to her problems, but she is unable to accept your advice at that moment.
- Practice being silent at work when you don’t have anything meaningful to contribute. Unless you can elevate the conversation by pointing out something interesting, missing, or beneficial, it’s best to just observe and learn.
- Finally, silence is golden when you don’t want to engage in a fool’s argument. As some squabbles will never be resolved, one must agree to disagree.
- When to speak up loud and clear:
- There will be times in your life where you will need the power of your voice. The voice within you that wants and needs to be respected and appreciated.
- Use your voice and speak up when your feelings are being trampled on. Many things are out of our control, but it is within our power to control the words and feelings that we convey to others.
- Articulate your feelings clearly and let people know that you value your well-being.
- Speak up for others who have no voice or are unable to speak for themselves for one reason or another. Your voice may be the only thing that saves and protects them from harm.
- Speak up when you see a wrong being done as silence could be seen as complicit agreement.
- Speak up when you are asked for your opinion as the person doing the asking must value it.
- Finally, speak up when you want to be heard. Whether in the work place or in a relationship, if you believe what you have to say is valuable, don’t be afraid to open your mouth.
- The ability to speak up takes a level of confidence, but just like all skills, someone only needs to practice in order to get better.
When things are going wrong, we can’t sit idly by and use “let God deal with it” as an excuse to avoid putting our faith into action. We can’t slip away and pretend it’s not happening. When injustice is being done, not speaking up about it and not acting to bring about justice (if possible) is clearly sin. Indeed, “the only thing required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Yet what constitutes evil, and what actions we should take — those are questions we each need to carefully consider. No one person is called to deal with everything. Even Jesus didn’t try to fix all the world’s problems (He didn’t even attempt to deal with the most “pressing” challenge of his people: the Roman occupation) and neither are we called to.
So I think the balance for me is always to speak up when faced with injustice or unrighteousness, but to do so carefully, with consideration, compassion and clarity. Take some time to process, investigate and establish truth. Think through what you say, and strive to make it helpful, build up the church, bless mankind, and give glory to God.
